


A Painful Path

by peacenik0



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Anal Play, Angst, Angst and Feels, Couch Cuddles, Couch Sex, Dana Scully Angst, Drunk Sex, Dry Humping, Episode: s06e08 The Rain King, Episode: s06e15 Arcadia, Episode: s06e22 Biogenesis, Episode: s07e01 The Sixth Extinction, F/M, First Dates, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Loss of Trust, Massage, Mirror Sex, Movie Night, Oral Sex, Post-Episode: s04e13 Never Again, Post-Episode: s07e02 The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati, Sexual Fantasy, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-06-29 15:02:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacenik0/pseuds/peacenik0
Summary: ( Formerly known as "Dicked too Hard")Mulder and Scully face many difficulties as they try to establish their relationship. Once their trusting bond is broken, Scully wonders if it can ever be restored.





	1. How to Build a Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder and Scully face many difficulties on the way to finding each other.
> 
> "Chapter 4: A different kind of life" has posted, please go take a look.

\----

Mulder’s apartment: 11:22 PM

“I...I want to feel like you need me,“ Scully whispers. This turns Mulder’s eyes dark and smoky. With burning embers smoldering underneath.

“I need you,” he rasps. He traces her lips with his thumbs, leaving a swath of heat in their wake. Her eyes slide closed, her tongue darts out to touch his thumb. He jumps, and crackles under her touch. The flames between them are roaring now, turned hot blue. And she is so drawn to him, like a moth to a flame.  
\---

Scully’s apartment: a few hours earlier

Scully is alone. The bruises left by Ed Jerse are fading, but the ones on the inside linger. She doesn’t want to feel this way; empty, almost numb. She thinks of her Ouroboros tattoo, an endless loop.

Her apartment feels claustrophobic in its stark emptiness. At the window she watches a heavy wet snow begins to fall over D.C. Scully catches a chill that seeps all the way into her bones. She looks at her empty fireplace; it’s been so long since she’s used it. Her busy work schedule hardly leaves any time for such pleasantries. A fire will provide the warmth, stimulation and comfort that she so desperately needs. 

Scully gathers all the components to build a fire. The fragrant cherry hardwood from last year sits in neat stack unused. First placing dried bits of kindling on the grate, then adding yesterday's newspaper as a starter underneath. Scully sits on her hearth and strikes a match, attempting to light the paper. One match goes out. Then another. Then another. She exhales in frustration, looking at the empty book of matches, just her luck. 

She goes to her cabinet, and finds the bottle of merlot that she bought for her birthday last year. But her birthday came and went - unnoticed of course. She was probably working anyway. Scully pours herself another glass of wine. 

When did she lose control over her life? When did she allow herself to get caught up in the category 5 hurricane that is Mulder? Scully stands at the counter, and drinks the wine down in one gulp. She is about to pour herself another one, but thinks better of it. So she just starts drinking out of the bottle.

What was maddening was the fact that she didn't even know where she stood with Mulder half the time. One moment he's confiding in her, risking his life for her, touching her in a way that makes her feel warm all over. The next minute he's ignoring her, running off and ditching her. 

And didn't he always just expect her to do anything he asked? And usually she would, even when it went against her better judgement, even when it put her life in danger. She's pissed. Absolutely livid. Mulder can go around doing whatever he wants, and she's not supposed to say a word. 

Perhaps the worst part is this malaise. Like she is a drop of molasses pouring out of the bottle, slowly, excruciatingly. It was enough to make anyone engage in some impulsive decision making, and Scully - despite her analytical mind - was no different. She has wants and desires like everyone else, and usually she just ignores them. Maybe what’s worse is that Mulder ignores them.

She has nothing, no one. It makes her skin itch, like she is chafing to get out of her body, out of her life. 

Can't she just ask for what she wants, what she needs? Scully doesn't even know what she wants anymore. She was simply too busy. She has gotten so good at ignoring her desires, that she almost had herself convinced that she didn't even want a sex life. Mulder kept their schedule, and there was never even time to date.

Her one night stand with Ed was so anomalous, that even Scully has trouble believing it herself. In fact, she has been burying that part of herself for so long, that even being touched by Ed Jerse felt like a revelation. What if Mulder ever dared to touch her that way? What would she do? Sometimes she imagines it, late at night in her room, the way his hands would feel on her body. 

God, why does it always come back to Mulder? It is not about him. It’s not. It really isn’t. So why does she want to see him so badly right now?

It makes her long to put him in his place, show him some part of her that he has never seen. And now she is longing to see the look on his face, the utter surprise when she…

When she what? 

No.

She shouldn't go over there. It’s too reckless. Last week she was impulsive, and look where it got her. Only now she is grabbing her purse and jacket. Now she is looping her scarf twice over. She is going over there.

She can turn back at any time. But then she is outside, reaching her hand out to hail a cab. February in D.C is miserable, the icy gray days freeze into starkly cold nights. The wind freezes everything it touches. The snow is wet, and lands heavily on her shoulders. Her birthday is coming up; will Mulder even remember this year?

A cab magically appears. It must be an X-File. Scully slides into the backseat. Then she blinks twice, attempting to get her bearings.

“Hegel…” she slurs, then stops. This is the last chance to make the right decision. But images of Mulder touching her, kissing her, enter her mind unbidden. Goddammit, she can’t win.

“Sorry, where to ma’am?” the cabbie asks, with a light Virginian twang. Virginia. Mulder.

“Hegel Place, Alexandria” she says over-enunciating the words, an attempt to seem less drunk than she is. 

“I’m going to see my partner,” she waves absently. “Whatever that means…” she drifts off looking at the starless sky. Mulder’s passion has always fed her own, swirling her up in his blinding search for the truth. But she has always wondered what it would be like if he were to turn even a modicum of that fervor on her. The thought of it makes her burn. 

The trees are bare, encased in ice. Strange how they appear dead on the outside, just waiting for the spring to warm them back to life. The snow is falling more steadily now. Scully presses her cheek to the frosted window, she longs to be filled up. She’s just going to go up there and give him a what-for. That is all. 

All the sudden Scully is in front of his door, but she doesn’t remember how she got there. Mulder opens the door without her even knocking, like he knew she would be there. Mulder is dressed only in jeans, the top button is open. The sight of him like this is so unusual it knocks her back on her heels. His skin looks so warm, and she feels so cold from this frigid February night. 

”Scully, what are you doing here so late?“ he asks. The hallway lights take on a greenish hue. Mulder checks the hallway to make sure that she hasn’t been followed. “Is everything ok?” 

“Mulderrrr, I’mmm fine,” she slurs drunkenly. “ I mean I'mm not fine, not very fine at all,” God she hates the sound of her drunk voice. It’s pouty, it does not command attention. “I came here to talk,” she says as carefully as she can.

“You been drinkin’?” he mumbles.

“Noooo. I mean yes, I have. But that is not why I came here, if that’s what you’re thinkin’ Muller,” she pushes past him into his apartment. 

“Come on in, Scully,” he deadpans behind her. For some reason his fish tank is glowing orange instead of the usual green. But this fact doesn’t seem to bother her. She sees a large handle of knock-off Tennessee whiskey on his coffee table. Of course he got the cheapest kind, that is so Mulder. It probably tastes disgusting. Scully picks it up, and takes a long pull straight from the bottle. Yep, disgusting. “Make yourself at home,” he says sarcastically. 

“I willlll, thank you,” she slurs clumsily handing the bottle back to him. He takes a big swig, mirroring her actions, while mercilessly holding her gaze. Their lips have now touched the same bottle in some kind of counterfeit kiss. It was kiss adjacent, at least. Weren’t they always adjacent to something: the truth, each other, even sex. Mulder hands it back to her again, Scully gulps. Maybe whiskey will give her a shot of bravery.

“Ugh, even a broke college student would buy better whiskey, Mulder,“ she chokes and sputters as he bitter liquid leaves a trail of warmth down her throat and into her stomach. She gags.

“I was saving it for Sal the homeless man out back, but even he didn’t seem to want it, “ Mulder deadpans, and Scully stifles a giggle. No, she will not laugh at his jokes. Not now.

“Besides, I'm not drinking it for it's respectability, Scully,” he takes a swig and returns it back to her. “So why are you drinking tonight? Is it the Jerse case?” he snarks. She doesn't like the reminder, but it seems like Mulder is just as stuck on it as she is. 

“Ed was just a an impulsive…” she waves her hand unable to think of the words.  
“Thing that I got caught up in the middle of because... because I just have that kind of luck!” Scully feels a bit of self-pity, and a little bit of guilt. She doesn’t understand the guilt. 

“Pppffftt… Ed,” Mulder shakes his head at the name. His eyes roll back in his head, like he's dizzy. But Scully can see there is something important he wants to ask her. “In the report it said…” he stammers, looking down at his feet. “ It said… that you spent the night at his place…” he pauses again. 

“Just spit it out, Mulder,” Scully says half annoyed, half intrigued. They have moved further into the living room and are standing in front of Mulder’s couch, the place where he sleeps. His inner-sanctum.

“ Fine... did you sleep with him, Scully?” the question tumbles out, and he puts his hand over his mouth. Scully is taken aback. They never talk about personal things.

“Hmmpft” she pouts at him. “Well, yes I did. And I am not exactly proud of that fact, Mulder.” she pauses. Scully has always been a curious person, and now she needs to see where this line of questioning leads. “Why does it matter to you, anyway?”

“It doesn’t” he says crossing his arms. But Scully is not convinced, she raises an eyebrow. “I just don’t like that he hurt you. And if he weren’t already locked away, I would find him and…” Mulder's fists clench and twitch in the air, like he is getting ready to snap someone’s neck. She loves when his passion flares, when he shows that he will stop at nothing to protect her. This is fuel to the fire. 

“You're acting a bit territorial, don't you think Mulder?” Scully asks searching his face for clues. 

“Maybe, a little,” he says. Scully would never admit that his possessiveness sends an electric thrill through her whole body. “This all just seems so unlike you, Scully. I just don't really understand…”

“I’ve just been feeling so stuck lately, like nothing I do ever matters. And I don’t like that feeling, but I've become almost numb to it,” Scully looks down. “I guess I just wanted to feel something different. It felt good for a moment… And then it didn’t.” 

“I think I know what you mean.” Mulder nods and steps closer to her, the tension in the room has ratcheted up a notch. Like a spark smouldering in the tinder, it just needs some oxygen. 

“Anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about him.” Scully says straightening up. “I came here to talk about you actually…” she pauses realizing how it sounds. ”Isn’t that ironic?”

“Is this about the desk again?” he asks wearily.

“It’s what the desk represents. I have worked so hard, and sacrificed so much, and you can’t even put my name on the door alongside yours. It makes me feel like all my hard work means nothing to you...” she exhales.

“That's not true, I...” he gets closer to her, she looks away from him. The bubbling of the fish tank is so loud it hurts her ears, and grates on her nerves.

“ Mulderr, I’mm talking now. It’s my turn to talk. And it’s your turn to listen,” she says loudly. 

“OK, OK, I’m listening,” he holds his hands up in surrender. 

“Good. Because I have a lot to say,” Scully takes another pull from the bottle, but it has now turned into a kitchy flask with ‘big blue’ the lake monster on it. Strange. But she cannot get distracted by such a minor detail at a time like this. Scully forges ahead with her mission. “You’re just very frustrating sometimes, Mulder. Especially when you ditch me. You just up and disappear... wooosh,” she waves her hand dramatically. “Most of the time, you don’t even bother to tell me. And of course you always get yourself in trouble, because you're you.”

Mulder nods with a guilty expression. But Scully is on a roll now that she finally has the floor. “Then you just expect me to pick up the pieces. And I do, every time. Because I know that if I don’t…. .” she stops there, because she can’t even think about it. It’s too difficult. She takes another swig of whiskey, it burns her throat, but makes her bold. She lets herself feel the anger and frustration. “Sometimes I just feel invisible, like you can't see me, or maybe you don't want to…”

“I'm sorry” he takes hold of her wrist gently. “I just have a one track mind, sometimes. You know how I get, Scully, “ and she nods fevertly. Yes she knows. “I tend to lose sight of the things around me, the people around me,” he whispers and now he is so close that she can feel his heat radiating even through her cashmere sweater, he's already warming her up. 

Scully needs to refocus, so she pulls away from him a bit, taking another pull from the big blue flask. When Scully hands it back to him, their fingers touch, lingering. This is the kindling, ready to catch fire. But Scully has been ignoring their unspoken sexual tension for years, why stop now? She continues on emboldened.

“I give. And give. And give. And I never ask for anything in return,” she gulps. “It’s just that you can be so selfish, sometimes, Mulder.” She exhales slowly, bracing herself, because the next part is really hard. “I give everything to you, Mulder, everything. And the sad part is, I do it again and again, because… because…” There is a niggling thought in the back of her brain, a feeling that is just beginning to crystallize. “Mulder, for once I just wish you would ask me what I want.” Scully exhales shakily, feeling nervous about what his response will be. Mulder is staring at her intently.

“What do you want, Scully?” his eyes flicker, with a flame just underneath. His hands gently clasp around her wrists, and slide down slowly to her elbows.

“I want a lot of things I can't have… so many things,” she whispers, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. But then, his hands are on her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. Scully feels her heart beating rapidly. She is melting under his touch, like a pat of butter on warm toast. She can hardly believe it herself, wasn’t she mad at him only moments ago? Wasn’t she so frustrated that she wanted to just pull his hair out? But Scully also knows that she can never stay mad at him for long, no matter how hard she tries. It's her curse. And now his body is pressed against hers, and he’s warm, so warm. It makes her forget.

“But what do you want?” he whispers hotly in her ear. Then his eyes find hers again. Scully’s emotions swirl around her in a blinding white snowstorm. Her cheeks are numb with cold. But there is a small fire between them now. Scully wants to touch the flames, but she knows she will get burned. She knows this, because she knows Mulder. But now that she finally has his full attention, she can't seem to help herself. His mouth goes to her cheek, then her temple. 

“I want to feel like you want me…” she says softly, surprised at her vulnerability. There is a rumble inside his chest. She places her palms over it, then slides them down to just above his waistband. Scully dares herself to trail her fingers just a little further, gasping as she feels the heat of his erection through the denim. Scully sees sparks shoot out of her fingers. She feels wanton, rebellious. 

“I do…” he says his voice tight, ready to snap. Mulder leans his forehead against hers, his eyes are deep wells of volcanic ash “I want you.” he says earnestly. But Scully needs to really feel his desire. Mulder gasps as Scully tentatively draws a line over his heated length with her fingertip. She can feel him pulse, and it thrills her in a way that she's never known. She bites her lips, they burn in anticipation. 

“Then show me, “ she says closing the distance between them.The flames course over her body. And then they are kissing, colored explosions shoot out from around her lips, and under her tongue. And Scully is finally, finally becoming consumed by the fire. This is the real revelation. Her lips move against his, like they were made for it. Mulder moans as Scully pulls his bottom lip between her teeth. 

He finally sweeps his whiskey soaked tongue into her mouth, and a electric charge bolts through her body. Their mouths are fused together as one, like they are consuming each other. The serpent eating its tail. It’s almost too much, so they both break apart breathless. Scully touches her lips softly, making sure that it really happened. Mulder searches her eyes, looking for an answer to a question that he hasn’t asked yet. 

“That was…” and he can’t finish his sentence, because Scully is reaching up on her tiptoes to roughly pull his mouth down against hers again. And the lines from a poem she thought was long forgotten spark to her mind.

And all that's best of dark and bright  
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Mulder writes Byron over her skin as his fingers sweep to the bottom of her sweater. The words seem to materialize, then float away in the air. Her breath hitches in her throat as his thumb slides over the tender skin of her hip.

Mulder regretfully stops again, to look into her eyes. 

“ Scully, you have to tell me when to stop,” his breath is coming out in pants now. “ We are both so drunk, and I don’t want to end up accidentally touching you, if that’s not what you really want…”

“But I want you to touch me,” she says, the alcohol still emboldening her. She takes his hand and slides it up under her sweater to cup her naked breast. In her drunken haste she hadn't even thought of putting a bra on before coming over here. Maybe, it was subconscious. 

“ You’re not wearing a bra, “ Mulder sighs against her mouth. He leans into her, swiping his thumb over her nipple. She bites her lip. It feels strange to be doing this, but it also makes her feel strong and powerful. 

“No, I’m not,” she says. She moans as he draws circles around her navel with his fingertips. They kiss again, and the fire inside her builds to a driving force, flames leaping all around them. Mulder grabs her hips forcefully and crushes their bodies together, a foreshadowing of things to come. Allowing herself to just feel everything in the moment, Scully furtively sucks on his bottom lip. 

“ Touch me, Scully,” he croaks. She can feel his desperation. Scully reaches her hand down the front of his jeans and grasps his cock for the first time. He is large and virile in her small hand. She had a feeling he would be well-endowed, but his size is almost ridiculous. This makes her inner muscles clench. Her body is preparing itself, making room for him. And she was going to need a lot of room. Mulder is thrusting in her first, and moaning. She can feel how much he wants her now, but it's almost not enough. He needs to ache for her. Scully breaks away from him, and he whimpers. 

“Scully?” he asks uncertainty in his voice. She turns around and smiles to herself. Mulder gasps as she lifts her sweater over her head, revealing her bare back. She looks over her shoulder to see his reaction, Mulder is spellbound.

“God, did I ever tell you how hot you are?” he asks. Scully turns to the side, so she can watch him watching her. 

“No, but you may have alluded to it, once,” she smirks teasingly.

“Well then I am officially an idiot, Scully,” he says in a self-deprecating tone. Scully is caressing her nipples, then pinching them. She loves to taunt him.

“I don't think that's up for debate, Mulder.” Scully hooks her fingers in her soft leggings, and pulls them all the way down leaving her naked except for her panties. Scully wonders when she bought lacey red panties, it doesn’t seem like her. Everything she owns is black. Mulder groans and takes his cock in his hand stroking slowly. Scully feels herself gush. She is so turned on right now, her core feels molten. 

She turns her back to Mulder again. Then she slowly bends at the waist and pulls her panties down to her ankles. 

“God, Scully,” Mulder moans. This makes her feel wanton, uninhibited and free. Scully grasps her ankles and opens herself to him all the way. He can see everything. “ Fuck, what are you trying to do to me?” his voice breaks. 

“You want to be inside me, don't you?” she teases him by running a finger over her opening. She can hardly believe that she is doing this, but she loves feeling this confident. Mulder looks like he is on the brink of insanity. She has seen him this way before, but never for her.

“ Yesss,” he hisses. He hurriedly drops his jeans and boxers. Then he starts towards her, his huge cock in hand, like he is ready to take her from behind. She snaps up, stepping out of her underwear.

“But, if you want to get that thing anywhere near me, “ Scully stops to gesture at Mulder’s giant dick. He looks down at his penis with pride. “Then you're going to have to make me come first.”

“I think I can do that,” he says pulling her into his fiery embrace again. He kisses her like she is his sole reason for existence, and this makes Scully feel high. Then Mulder begins trailing kisses down her neck, to her collarbone. He kneels down in front of her in reverence, in supplication. She whimpers as he gently bites one nipple and then they other, leaving them tender. Mulder’s tongue circles her navel then draws a hot line in her thigh crease.

“Ahh,” she gasps as Her pussy quakes with anticipation. She stumbles as her knees hit the back of the coffee table, Mulder grabs her hips to steady her. 

“ I bet he didn’t even get you off, did he?” Mulder asks. It makes her hot. 

“ No,” she chokes out. He hums against her pussy, sending a vibration to her core. 

“Talk about selfish,” he moans as he runs a finger over her swollen pink folds.

“ Mmm,” she can barely speak as he spreads her open with two fingers. Is this really happening? It’s almost unbelievable.

“Fuck,” he says breathing her in, lingering on the sight of her arousal. 

“Mulder...” she starts impatiently. 

“See the problem is, that he didn’t know you like I do.” Mulder says looking up from in between her legs, catching her eyes. “ He didn’t know that you like the chase more than anything. And correct me if I’m wrong, and I know you will, Scully,” he pauses to run a finger over her slit. “But you want a guy to really work for it, don’t you?” Scully can feel her sex swell at the sound of his words.

“Yes,” she chokes out. She’d admit to almost anything now, if it brings his mouth closer to where she wants it. He nibbles at her inner-thighs, and she moans impatiently. 

“That’s what I thought. You like to get a guy all worked up, so starved for you that he can barely hold it together,” he says sex dripping from his voice. This makes her gush right into his palm, and he moans. He gasps as he finds the center of her arousal, swirling his fingertips around her opening. ”That’s what turns you on the most, isn’t it?” Scully watches with baited breath, as he draws his fingers towards his mouth.

“I can see how much you want this already,” he says sucking her arousal from his fingertips. “I can taste it,” his voice is sex hoarse. Her eyes roll back into her head. She is going to die, she knows it. The image of him doing that will be burned in her brain for all eternity. Her desire for him has reached a fever pitch.

“Muld..” she begins but can’t finish because his tongue darts out to taste her clit. She jumps at the contact, fire spreading over her body. Her body is tight, so tight that it’s ready to snap. Her hands find his hair, and she pulls when his lips close over her aching clit. Mulder alternates between feather-light laps, and dizzying swirls, keeping his eyes on her face the whole time. 

“Oh God!” she shouts, as he finally sucks the swollen bud into his mouth and hums. No one has ever made her feel this way before. Mulder is simultaneously making love to her with his mouth, and tongue fucking her into oblivion. It’s like a dream. Scully watches as his tongue darts out ot lightly, ever so lightly to touch her. Scully sees the flames licking up all over her body as she convulses in his mouth. Her legs buckle, but he holds her up. Mulder laps at her come, drinking in her arousal. She is on fire.

“I take it, I was right,” he says with a self-satisfied smirk. Mulder wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, then kisses her hard. She tastes herself and the remnants of whiskey on his tongue. They kiss and touch for a while, allowing their passion to build again. Once Scully feels like she is ready for him, she bends over, and places her forearms on the table. Even though Scully is a bit nervous about his size, her desire to be fucked far outweighs her trepidation.

“Uh, Scully... I don’t have any protection.” he looks down almost sheepishly. “This is not, uh, something that happens with any kind of frequency, if you know what I mean.” Mulder says scratching his cheek. Scully is a jealous woman, so this statement makes her feel a sense of ownership over him. 

“Well then, just don’t come in me,” she says coyly. Scully always insists on protection, but now she doesn’t seem to care. She feels herself bending down again making a show of it, teasing him with her plump pink pussy. 

“Are you sure about this? “ He croaks as he steps behind her, preparing to enter her.

“Yes, are you?” she breathes out in anticipation. She can feel his heated length, emanating right outside of her swollen cunt.

“Yes, I think I’ve been sure about this for a long time,” he whimpers. When she looks down, she can see the head of his cock thrusting through her slickened folds. This is their dance, they always get so close, but then one of them back off. It’s maddening, and Scully wants to end that dance now. Scully wants to feel his passion, she needs it. Maybe it will save her, maybe it will save them both.

“ Ahh... Ugh...” Scully yelps as Mulder pushes inside her, leaving her no time to adjust to his size. It’s a strange pleasure and pain combination. Scully can feel every vein, every ridge of his cock stretching her, it’s intoxicating. The whiskey has worn off, but now Scully is cock drunk. She has never felt this full. 

“ Oh, Scully…” he groans as he begins thrusting slowly. “I knew you’d feel this good, I knew it.” But, Scully can tell that he is holding back already.

“Mulder, don’t hold back!” she commands. Then she feels Mulder drawing all the way out, and then slamming back into her. She squeals. Her eyes water with the power of it. Mulder picks up a steady but harsh rhythm, and she throws her hips back to meet him. Because she wants to be consumed by him, engulfed by his passion. 

“Scully, I wish you could the way we look together. Fuck.” Mulder whimpers as she clamps down around him. Mulder continues his forceful thrusts, and Scully feels like she is going to be split in half. She relishes the overwhelming sensation. 

“Tell me how jealous you were,” Scully croaks out. Mulder groans and lays his chest on her back. Then he grabs her hand, and places it over her lower belly.

“God, Scully,” he pauses, and she can feel his passion flare. “I fucking hated it, I hated that he got to be with you,” he says his voice on fire. Scully is consumed by this fire, it feeds her.

“Mmmm,” she gasps audibly as he slams back into her. Mulder groans and lays his chest on her back. Then he grabs her hand, and places it over her lower belly.

“You feel that?” he growls. Scully whimpers as she feels his cock thrusting underneath her skin. “That’s me inside of you. That’s me fucking you.” his voice is low, possessive. 

Mulder is so close, Scully can feel his penis pulsing. But she still doesn’t have all of him.

“Come in me.... I want you to come in me,” Scully keens. She hears his breath catch in his throat. Mulder pulls all the way out of her, and Scully is at a loss. “Mul…” she looks over at him, he is now sitting on that worn leather couch of his. His heavy wet cock bouncing up against his stomach. 

“I want to see your face, I want to see your eyes.” he holds his hands out for her to take, it’s an offering. Scully moves around the coffee table and interlaces their fingers. Tears prick in the corners of her eyes. She moves to sit astride him, and they kiss languidly. But this time it's different, they are doing this together. The wind has changed and now the smoke turns another direction

“ I want you to give me everything you have,” she says her voice tight with emotion. Mulder sighs at the weight of her words. Watching his eyes as she slides down his length, taking him all in. “I want all of you.” 

“Then tell me that you’re mine,” he says softly, with adoration. 

“I’m yours,” she whispers. There is something between them that Scully finds herself unable to put words to. “I’m yours, Mulder,” This is the oxygen needed for the fire. The final element to ignite this blinding fire between them. Mulder yells her name as they combust together. They both die, and are reborn again in the flames. 

\----

Scully’s Apartment 11:22 PM

And just like that her eyes snap open. 

What? 

Shit, it was a dream. She reaches down to feel herself still shuddering. Her pussy wet, swollen and quaking, her nipples tight. Goddamnit. She looks at her clock. She wipes some sweat from her brow. Scully looks down to see that she is fully dressed in her winter coat and scarf. She never even left her apartment. Shit. How long was she out? 

And just then she hears a knock on the door. Scully looks at the clock, it’s 11:22 PM, she knows who it is. 

“Just a minute,” she calls to him, shedding her coat and scarf. She quickly cleans up in the bathroom. Splashes some water on her face, and checks her reflection in the mirror. She tries desperately to compose herself, to ignore the images from her dream that flood her mind. She won’t think about any of it. She won’t think about Mulder kissing her, or going down on her. And she definitely won’t think about the last things they said to each other, ripped so deeply from her subconscious. 

No.

By instinct, she checks the peephole to see Mulder there. Her mind flashes back to the her inexplicable erotic dream. There is Mulder pounding her from behind. Her inner muscles clench at the thought, she almost feels sore. Scully leans against the doorframe, trying her best to get control over herself. She will not even think about it. It didn't happen. 

She unlocks her door to find him standing in front of her. Puppy Dog eyes, a guilty smile, tail between his legs. The sad thing is that Scully knows she will forgive him. It’s just part of her DNA now, it’s part of who she is. 

She will never not forgive him.

“I, uh, I know it’s late,” he pauses shuffling his feet. “ but I just didn’t like the way that we left things today, Scully.” Mulder says softly, in penance. “ And I know that I am being awful presumptuous, and maybe that’s part of the problem but…” he holds up a Blockbuster VHS and a box of Jiffy Pop popcorn ( her favorite). It’s an offering of atonement. 

As she pauses at the door, she begins to wonder if perhaps she could direct some of her anger at herself. Hasn't she been the one to let him treat her this way? Hasn't she failed to confront him as he bulldozed over her boundaries? Couldn't she have demanded more respect? 

Hasn't she always chosen to follow him, no matter what?

“Come in, Mulder,” she says carefully, holding the door open for him. His hair and black trenchcoat are dusted with snowflakes. His nose is red from the cold. She finds herself wanting to cover it with her her mouth to warm it. But she will do her best to ignore the complicated feelings roiling in her stomach.” Are you cold? Do you want me to make you some tea?” she asks tentatively, because she will always want to take care of him, always. 

 

“Yeah, that’ll be great. I think it’s minus nine degrees out there,” Mulder blows warm air into his hands, then hangs his wet coat up. He sets the movie down on the table, and follows her into the kitchen. Scully fills the tea kettle, and places it on the burner. Mulder dutifully puts the wax paper bag into the microwave. There is an awkward silence as they listen to the kernels sizzle and pop. Mulder touches her hand to get her attention, she shivers from the cold.

“I don't know how you put up with me sometimes,” Mulder says finding her eyes with his. “ But I'm glad you do.” Her heart drops to her stomach, and her mouth goes dry. So she looks down at her feet. There is so much to say, yet Scully can't find the words. “I’m such an asshole,” he says in that self-deprecating way. She looks up at him in surprise. 

“You’re not an asshole, Mulder,” she lies awkwardly. She doesn’t know why she does that. Why she protects him from himself, sometimes even at her own expense

“Yeah I am,” he looks at her sheepishly.

“ I suppose you can be a bit selfish at times.” 

“What else? Lay it on me, Scully.” 

“ Obsessive, narrow minded, impulsive, oblivious…”

“ OK, OK I get the picture,“ he chuckles, and pulls her closer to him, taking her hand and interlacing their fingers.They stay there for a long moment. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into her ear. This makes her want to cry. But she won't cry in front of him. The intimacy of this moment is almost too much for her to bear.

“It’s OK,” her voice breaks as she looks into his deep hazel eyes. Even though it’s not OK, not really. She clings to him, trying to take on some of his strength as her own. 

“Is it?” he says gazing into her eyes. Then he tilts her head up to look at his face.

“Not now, but it will be,” Scully whispers, and Mulder leans his forehead against hers. Images from her dream invade her mind unbidden. Thoughts of Mulder kissing her, taking his time. He looks deeply into her eyes. Scully thinks this might be it, when they finally cross those boundaries they they have so carefully set up. As if on cue the teakettle whistles, breaking the moment in two. 

Scully is almost glad for the interruption. They silently gather the tea and popcorn and head into the living room. 

“Were you trying to start a fire, Scully?” Mulder gestures towards her fireplace.

“Yes, I was. But I ran out of matches. “ she says taking a sip of her hot tea. He reaches down and picks up the book of matches. 

“No. It’s looks like you’ve got one more,” he opens the pack and strikes the match. The newspaper sparks, then begins to smoke and curl up. 

“I could have sworn I used the last one,” Scully shakes her head.

“Come here, help me get this started.” Mulder motions her to join him on the hearth. They both blow at the embers until finally small flames tentatively emerge. The kindling ignites, and Mulder places the fuel on top. The both watch as the wood finally catches fire. “I think you just needed someone with a lot of hot air,” he cracks looking into her eyes. Scully feels the warmth already. But the intimacy of the moment makes her feel uncomfortable.

“What movie did you get?” Scully moves to pick up the VHS box. “Ernest goes to Africa?” she raises an eyebrow at him.

“In all it's direct to video glory,” he cracks. She lets herself grin ever so slightly. “They were just about to close, and I’d thought you’d want something that would make you laugh,” he says taking the movie from her and popping it into the VCR. 

“Laugh from the utter stupidity of it?” she feels better now that the mood had lightened. When he returns to the couch, she hands him the bowl of popcorn They are comfortable like this. 

“Well I know it’s not exactly part of the criterion collection, Scully but I’m sure it has its merits,” Scully listens to the fire warmly crackle as she leans back into the couch. She sighs as he wraps his arm around her. If a stranger saw them like this, they would think that they were a couple. But they aren’t, and maybe they will never be. For some reason, the thought of this makes Scully incredibly sad. The opening credits flicker in the dark, but she's not even looking at the movie. 

“No, it’s perfect.”


	2. Mirroring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully takes a hard look in the mirror, and comes to some realizations about her relationship with Mulder.  
> Rated: NC-17 +++ So Very Very NSFW ( Give yourself some time in a locked room for this one. There is a reason I posted this on a Sunday).  
> Words: 7,238
> 
> Prompts:  
> Pretty please I love your fics and it has come to my attention that there aren’t a lot of fics on Bob. Can you be so kindly to write one on how scully gets nervous getting some from BOb because of his massive size, but eventually give in even though it takes her a while to settle
> 
> The 4 times Scully was dicked too hard, and the one time Mulder was. This is the second time Scully got dicked too hard.
> 
> Sharing a bed prompt: They’re on a case. He says he’ll sleep on the floor but she insists he share the bed. “The floor is gross.” They fall asleep a foot away from each other but wake up spooning. Smut ensues.
> 
> Mirror prompt courtesy of @doctorscullbag
> 
> Timeline: During and post “The Rain King”

Chapter Two: Mirroring

\---

The first night.

It’s late. And much to Scully’s chagrin, Mulder is now staying in her room. This is a problem, because Mulder is messy, and she likes things neat and tidy. Half of his sunflower seeds have somehow missed the ashtray she conspicuously left on the nightstand. It’s irritating, yet somehow also endearing. But Scully likes to have her space. It has always been that way. This is my room, Mulder. Don’t make a mess. They could never live together. It would be impossible, she thinks. Impossible. He doesn’t even have a bed; he sleeps on his couch like a college frat boy.

Besides, they haven’t even kissed yet.

But why is she even thinking about this? She’s being silly. They are partners. That is all. And yet, here she is following him to this barren wasteland. So she can what? Argue with him? Get in trouble at work? Be irritated by yet another insane theory? But when it comes right down to it, she would go anywhere just to be with him. Even this tiny thirsty town in the middle of Kansas.

And really, under all of this irritation lies a truth that Scully is just not yet ready to accept. Scully knows that she would die for Mulder in a heartbeat, sacrifice herself for him, no questions asked. Follow him to the ends of the Earth. So why then is it so difficult to let herself love him?

Because it terrifies her. Giving herself to this man means vulnerability, and heartbreak. It means pain. Because a love like this hurts as much as it heals. It's the kind of love that doesn’t go away.

It stays.

\---

Scully takes a shower while Mulder goes for a run. The hot spray hits her sore neck and shoulders. It relieves some tension, but not enough. Scully tries not to think about Mulder. The way he gets under her skin. The way he whirled into her heart like a full scale tornado.

Time to stop thinking.

She shuts the water off. Steps out of the shower, grabs her towel from the bar above the sink. But before she has a chance to dry herself off she sees his reflection behind her. Their eyes meet in the mirror.

“Mulder!” she shouts in surprise. His eyes slide down, lingering on her naked form. It sends an electric shock through her. Stop it, she tells herself.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, looking down. Scully quickly wraps the scratchy towel around her wet body and tucks in the corner.

“You startled me.” She feels more comfortable covered up. But for some reason Mulder is still standing there. She should tell him to go. She should.

\---

Scully sets out the blanket and pillow that the hotel proprietor gave her. Mulder is taking an extra long shower. And she wonders what he could be doing in there.

She wills herself not to think of him naked. Not to think of the way he looked her up and down. She exhales when the water shuts off. Scully tries not to watch the bathroom door. But there is no helping it. Mulder swings the door open, his skin damp and glowing. She watches as a bead of water slides down his chest. It drips down his navel and lands where his towel is cinched low on his hips. He always knows how to make an entrance.

“I put the extra bed linens on the chair for you,” Scully tells him in a matter of fact voice.

“Thank you, Scully. I have to say that this floor looks awfully comfortable.” He smirks. Then gathers his boxers and t-shirt from his suitcase. Why didn’t he take them into the bathroom with him in the first place? When he turns his back to her, his towel slides down even lower. Scully can see the deep ‘V’ of his back muscles, leading down to his ass. She wonders if he will actually disrobe, and get dressed in front of her.

No, he won’t do that. But, before she can decide that she needs to turn around, he does.

“Mulder! A little propriety, please,” she huffs, averting her eyes but unable to get her feet to move. I will not look at him.

“Sorry, Scully. But we are roommates now after all,” Mulder says almost tauntingly. He is provoking her. There is no other reason for it. This is some kind of sick test. Or maybe even worse; they have been together so long that they are practically like an old married couple. But without the sex.

They completely missed the sex part. How did that happen?

“I’m going to get some air.” She tsks.

“Suit yourself,” he answers.

\---

Later, Scully rolls over on the lumpy motel mattress. Mulder keeps sighing from the floor, and shifting around. This is beyond irritating. Even for Mulder.

“Mulder, no one is going to get any sleep if you keep that up.” Scully meets his eyes in the dark.

“Sorry, Scully. It’s just kind of uncomfortable down here. And to be honest there is some kind of sticky substance all over this floor. Perhaps some kind of viscous fluid, Hazard a guess as to what it might be?” he asks. She tries not to chuckle.

“I have some ideas. But who knows what kind of unsavory things go on in here, Mulder. It is a motel room after all. ”

“What is the nature of the unsavory things that you speak of?” He is baiting her now.

“I think you know.”

“Well whatever it is, it’s pretty gross, Scully.” He sits up and brushes his arms and chest off. “I am actually thinking about taking another shower. Maybe even sleeping out in the rental car.” He stands up, and tosses the bedclothes back on the chair. Then he starts to pull his shirt up over his head. No. She cannot handle him taking another shower.

“No, Mulder. Just come sleep up here,” Scully says wearily.

“Are you sure about that? Wouldn’t we be fraternizing then?”

“No. We will be sleeping, not fraternizing,” Scully sighs. It's hopeless.

“Well, okay then, Scully. If you insist.”

Scully turns down the comforter and shifts over to make room for him. Mulder climbs in bed with her and for a moment they face each other. There is a mirror across from the bed. And out of the corner of her eye Scully catches a glimpse of the two of them. She takes note of their guarded posture, the way they move awkwardly in this space. Like two people who really want to touch each other, but can’t. There is something stopping them. Scully turns on to her side facing away from him.

“ I hope you don’t hog the covers, Scully. You seem like a regular old blanket thief.” Mulder chuckles as he settles down. She tsks.

“Goodnight Mulder.” She feels his warm breath tickle the back of her neck. This is going to be a long night.

\---

Night two.

After the reunion.

It's late when they get back to the motel room. So it's no use getting a flight until tomorrow anyway. They have been bantering back and forth since the reunion. Mulder even looked at her and nodded to the dance floor once. But she couldn't be sure. Maybe it was just a crick in his neck.

“Well I’m pretty beat.” Mulder flops on the bed with his shoes on.

“Make yourself at home, why don't you.” Scully tsks, and pushes his feet to the floor. He ignores her.

“You wanna watch some TV, Scully?” He begins flipping through the channels.

“Yeah, actually that sounds good. I'll um, just get changed.“ This time she remembers to lock the door. There's no reason for her to leave it open.

When she returns, Mulder is sprawled out on the bed in a white undershirt and gray sweats. He looks comfortable. But he scoots over when he sees her. She climbs under the covers and Mulder absentmindedly hands her the remote. She clears her throat.

“What's the occasion?” she asks dryly. 

“Eh, there's nothing on that I like, so I thought I'd let you pick,” he smirks.

“ How kind of you.” she raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Well it is your room after all.”

“ I thought you must've forgotten.”

“Nope.” Mulder absently puts his arm over her shoulders. And before she's aware of what she's doing, Scully finds her head leaning against his shoulder. Mulder sighs contentedly and leans back against the headboard. It feels good to be this close to him.

Scully looks at their reflection in the mirror. She notices how good they look together. They do look like a couple. Like two people who just enjoy being with each other. It's comfortable.

“Besides,” he looks at his watch. “I predict you'll be asleep in seventeen minutes and thirty seconds, ” he winks at her. And she sheepishly hits him with a pillow.

“Ah, you're probably right,” she hands the remote back to him. And before she knows it, her eyes are sliding closed.

\---

She often dreams about Mulder. Her dreams usually mirror the agitation of her real life, and of her unspoken desires. Sometimes the dreams are nightmares in which Mulder gets hurt, or worse. Sometimes the dreams are of the two of them sharing a life together. Maybe a house out in the suburbs, children playing with their dog in the yard. And those dreams are especially hard, because Scully knows that they can never happen.

But tonight Scully’s dream begins in a motel bathroom just like hers. She has just gotten out of the shower. Mulder comes up behind her; she feels him before she sees his face in the mirror. This time he doesn't startle her.

“What are you doing here?” Scully asks, calmly. Her dream self doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that she is naked. Her hair and skin are glistening under the light. Mulder wears those boxer briefs that's she's never told him how much she likes.

“I think you know.” Mulder kisses her like it's the most natural thing in the world. Scully watches in the mirror out of the corner of her eye as they kiss. This is the reason that everyone thinks they are a couple.

“Look at yourself,” Mulder breathes in her ear. So she does. The image of the two of them is deeply arousing. Scully bites down on his plump bottom lip, and drags her teeth along it. Mulder turns her around, kisses her neck. His erection is pressed against the small of her back. She bites her lip as he kisses her neck and shoulder.

But there is no use for a mirror if she can’t see him naked too. She turns and slips his boxers off of his hips, admiring his heavy thick cock as it bounds up against his stomach. Hard and virile. It makes her mouth water. She wants to taste him now.

Scully sinks down to her knees, looking up into his eyes. There she sees wonder and amazement as she takes his cock into her mouth. He is huge, and her mouth is only so big.

“Scu..” His eyes roll back into his head as she swallows him as fully as she can. He jerks involuntarily hitting the back of her throat. She gags a little, and her eyes water.

“Sorry,” he gasps. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she mumbles, her mouth full of his cock.

“Fuck.” He breathes out. Watching as she swirls her tongue around the head of his cock. Tastes his arousal on her soft palate. Her clit pings. Scully is cock drunk already. She wonders if she might orgasm from giving him fellatio. It might be possible. The brain is the largest sex organ after all. Scully watches as Mulder looks in the mirror. He is clearly enraptured by the sight of her head bobbing up and down on his cock. Letting out a breathy sigh he softly taps her head. “It’s just a little too good, if you know what I mean. I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.” She pops her mouth off of his cock.

“Okay, what did you have in mind?”

“Come here.”

They kiss again, his tongue insistently probing her mouth. Mulder kneels down now, and Scully watches as he caresses her breasts, thumbing her nipples then pinching them. Her fingers find his hair, and she scratches his scalp. He sinks down further, echoing her earlier actions. Scully watches as he draws circles around her navel with his tongue. Then he pulls aside her panties to breathe in the scent of her pussy. He teases her folds open with the tip of his index finger. She loves the way he delights in her cunt. It increases their pleasure.

Mulder runs his tongue over her swollen folds lightly. His fingers find her center, and he dips them inside, feeling her wetness. She feels a wave of pleasure as he looks up at her, holding her gaze with intensity. Scully really believes that he could make her come just by looking into her eyes. But then he swirls his tongue around his fingers, sucking the moisture off of them sensually. She gushes and he grins up at her. Scully can’t believe how erotic this is. And then he does it again. This time he slides his thumb over her clit, before bringing his fingers to his mouth.

“You like that, huh?” He asks, his voice husky. She bites her lip and nods. Her body is so ready, she is aching to come for him. And it seems that Mulder wants the same thing. Scully looks down to see his cock hard and dripping. He pushes two fingers inside of her, and curves them up against her g-spot. All the while he is just teasing her clit lightly with his tongue. Scully watches as her clit swells and stiffens under his tongue. The sight is so erotic, so visceral. But then Mulder adds a third finger, making the sensation even more intense. Scully feels her body tighten, begging for release. And because they are so in tune, Mulder senses this. So he finally does what she really wants. Capturing her clit between his lips, he sucks it into his mouth. Scully convulses, and Mulder moans, feeding off of her pleasure. He continues stroking her g-spot while they ride out her orgasm. When she is finished, he stands brushes the hair out of her face.

“I love feeling you come in my mouth,” he says, licking his lips. As they kiss, she tastes her arousal on his tongue. Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpses their reflection. Mulder’s erection is pulsing against her hip. He moans as she strokes him from root to tip.

“I want you inside of me,” Scully growls. And he roughly turns her around, and she stands on tip-toe. Placing her hands on the sink, she grinds her ass against him.

Moaning, Mulder takes his cock in hand and pushes through her folds. Scully watches in the mirror as the head of his cock appears, wet and glossy, then disappears back. Riding his shaft blissfully, she feels her cunt drip down, coating his cock in her slip. Scully changes the angle so that the tip makes contact with her clit on the upstroke.

She spreads herself open as he watches. His eyes go wide as she touches her clit, pink and swollen. Scully guides his hand there, using both of their fingers to touch her together.

“Oh god, Scully. Look at you…So fucking beautiful,” Mulder moans roughly, and points to her engorged clit. She has never seen it this big. “I did that to you.” He growls. Much to her surprise she feels a second orgasm building at her sacrum.

“Fuck, Mulder.” Their eyes meet in the mirror, hazel and ocean blue. That is what does it. His eyes watching her. Scully falls forward, her body convulsing. But as soon as her orgasm begins, she feels his thick shaft push into her, roughly filling her up to the hilt. The surprise makes her wail, as she shudders and pulses around him. He groans audibly. His dick stretches her, almost to the point of pain. God, she loves it. But Scully needs some relief from the intensity. Reaching for his hand, she sinks her teeth into the fleshy part below his thumb. He yelps and slams into her.

“You’re a bad girl,” he says roughly into her ear. She squeezes her muscles around him like a vice.

“Yeah, what are you going to do about it?” Scully says egging him on. He takes his hand to her ass. She bites her lip and clenches in anticipation.

“Punish you.” 

“Yesss,” she hisses. On the upstroke, he smacks her just hard enough to vibrate her core. Scully shrieks in pleasure.

“You want me to fuck you, don’t you?” Scully is too far gone to answer. “Tell me, Scully. “

“I want you to fuck me, Mulder,” she barely gasps out. She reels from the intensity as he picks up the pace. Her breasts bounce up and down in the mirror. Their eyes once again meet. And she wishes she could see him fucking her up close.

“The sink…” she grits through clenched teeth. “Put me up on the sink.”

“You want to see me fucking you, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Scully gasps out. She has never been reduced to this. She is almost unable to form words. “I… I want... to see...” Her words are punctuated in time with his thrusts. It’s almost unbearable, the pleasure indescribable.

Without hesitation, Mulder disengages from her, and lifts her by the hips to set her on the sink counter. Scully braces her hands on either side of the wall, and kneels with her legs spread apart. She is almost in a squatting position. Her ass hanging off the vanity. Scully recognizes how precarious this is, how potentially dangerous, but she doesn’t care. The heat of the moment, her desire to be fucked, are just too great.

Mulders hands go to her hips, steadying her, like he always does. Scully sinks back onto his cock. Then she feels him thrust into her once again. From this angle, his thrusts are more shallow, but she gets the full effect. A close-up of them joining together. They look incredible together, his shaft disappearing and then reappearing again. Mulder reaches around and parts her folds. They both look at her cunt, swollen, and dripping down his cock. Mulder huffs as he points to her clit, and she watches it stiffen under his gaze. It’s unbelievable that he can do that to her. 

“Look at your pussy, Scully. Look at how wet you are, for me.“ She moans loudly at his words.. Her nipples tighten onces again. He’s right, the sight of them together, of what he does to her, is truly exquisite. Her breathing is becoming erratic. Sweat forms on her brow. Mulder is pumping into her, and he too is sweating from the effort. His shaft feels fantastic, she wants to let him know.

“Oh… Mulder… your cock...fuck....” Her words are punctuated by his thrusts. He’s whimpering, his thrusts becoming more erratic. She watches his eyes, his mouth open, slack. His body never ceases to amaze her. She clenches around him, making herself tighter, trying to increase his enjoyment. Scully loves to pleasure him, because it feeds her own desire. Like a continuous loop, pleasure feeding into more pleasure.

“Come again, come all over me. Watch yourself.” He breathes heavy. His next move throws her for a loop. Scully watches as he pinches her clit between his fingers. She screams. Slamming back against him, her back arches, as she is pulled into oblivion once again.

“Mul-der! Oh, oh, ohh,” she yells out. He watches as her pupils dilate and skin flushes. Her orgasm is so intense, she almost falls off of the counter. Scully feels herself gush and pulse around his cock.

“Yes, come for me. Fuck.”

“Careful, baby,” Mulder croons into her ear as he wraps his arms around her torso. His dick is still inside of her. And Scully realizes that he has not orgasmed yet, but Scully feels his cock pulsing. It won’t be long for him. Her pussy is aching, and she can’t take much more of this. She squeezes his cock tightly, watches his facial expression. Their eyes meet in the mirror once again.

“You’re going to come now, Mulder,” she tells him in a firm no-nonsense voice. “Come inside of me.”

And he does.

His cock explodes hotly into her. He groans loudly as he pumps into her, filling her with his come. Making her whole.

But it is a real moan from Mulder that wakes her.

Her eyes snap open. And Scully feels Mulder’s body flush against hers. For real. His arms are wrapped tightly around her, one of his legs has found its way between hers. But the sound of his breath tells her that he is still asleep. Scully feels his clothed erection sliding against her ass, then tapping. Tap. Tap. Tap. Scully feels herself thrusting back against his heated length. Her back arches at the contact. Her body is as tight as a wire, ready to snap.

For some reason it takes her a moment to realize what is going on here. They were essentially fucking each other in their sleep, both of their subconscious minds working out their unspoken desires together. The very thought of it sets Scully on fire. How is this possible? Were they having the same dream? Were they so repressed yet so desperate for each other that they literally couldn’t stop themselves?

By chance she glances into the mirror across from the bed. Scully sees the outline of their bodies writhing under the blankets, making them ripple in time with their movements. The image of the two of them together like this is incredibly arousing. She feels his hard length sliding between her ass cheeks. His cock slips hotly up over her silk pajamas and pokes the small of her back. Scully bites back a whimper, because she especially loves when he touches her there. Scully feels herself gush into her already wet panties. Then she hears Mulder murmur her name softly into her ear.

“Mmm, Scully,” he breathes. And her name on his lips makes her skin break out in a rash of gooseflesh. But Mulder is obviously not conscious of what is happening. And to let him keep doing this to her would be like taking advantage of him. It would be wrong. She needs to wake him up.

“Mulder…” she whispers. Scully feels one last thrust before he jolts awake. He freezes for a moment as he takes in the situation. Scully feels tension thicken the air around them.

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry, Scully.” His voice sounds horrified, embarrassed. She feels him quickly roll away from her body. Scully finds that she misses his warmth already. But in this moment they are both too mortified, and possibly too aroused to look into each other's eyes.

“It’s okay, Mulder,” she tries to assures him. Because she feels just as guilty for letting the situation continue for as long as she did.

“I guess I’m just not used to sleeping next to anyone else,” He whispers sleepily from the other side of the bed.” I think I was having a dream and…” he pauses for a moment. As if deciding how much information to give away. “ I didn’t know what I was doing... I’m sorry.” And Scully feels the guilt rising in her throat like bile. Wasn’t she just as complicit in the act as he was? But she can’t tell him that she knows all about his dream. How he said her name in his sleep as he moved against her body. She feels herself blush. In truth talking about this makes her extremely uncomfortable. She longs to end the conversation.

“Mulder, really, don’t worry. I’m… not bothered by it.” she says softly. Trying to absolve him of any feelings of wrongdoing.

“Really?” he asks, surprised.

“Yes, now, let’s just go back to sleep. I think we’re both exhausted.”

“Okay then…” he pauses once again. “I’m just gonna… I’ll be right back,” Mulder mumbles and starts rolling away from her.

Scully thinks that maybe he is going to the bathroom to masturbate. And what will she do while he is gone? Think about him and touch herself, right? Like she has done so many times. She struggles with her emotions and her logic. Weighing her options carefully. Scully knows the arguments for and against. She has turned them over in her mind again and again. But here they are lying next to each other. Clearly aroused and wanting each other. Does it make sense for them to both find release separately? Is that logical? Scully feels the way of her body in drawn towards his. It’s like trying to pull two rare earth magnets apart. Inevitably they go back together again. So finally she reaches back to find his hand.

“Mulder…” she whispers, trying to convey the whirlwind of emotions that she feels in just that one word. She squeezes his hand, and he squeezes back. Scully thinks about her dream, the way Mulder looked at her. The way he seemed to care so much about her pleasure. Then her mind goes to just a few moments ago, waking up to the sound of him moaning her name. And finally her curiosity gets the better of her. “What was your dream about?” she asks. Mulder tenses behind her. They have grown so close over the years, that even when they are miles apart she can feel him.

“Why do you ask?” Scully feels the conflicted emotions in him too.

She rolls over and now they are face to face. Breathing each other’s breaths. His eyes are dark, stormy. The tension is so thick in the air, she thinks she might suffocate.

“Because I think we were both having a... similar dream,” she breathes. There is a beat. She sees the light bulb go off behind his eyes. Mulder lets out a shaky sigh.

“How... do you know?”

“You… you said my name in your sleep.” She doesn’t tell him about the way he moaned and thrust against her. She doesn’t tell him how good it felt.

“I did?” he rasps looking down, still embarrassed. She nods her answer. And Scully feels the need to reassure him. Scully reaches up, and puts her hand over his chest. Feels his heart hammering away, much like her own.

“Yes, but… I liked hearing it. I liked the way it felt.” Now it is Scully’s turn to look away. Because she can hardly believe how honest she is being with him. How open and vulnerable.

Somewhere in the last six years, she has fallen hopelessly in love with Mulder. She only began to realize this as she was talking to Sheila at the reunion.

And the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.

Mulder covers her hand with his. Her breath catches in her throat. Just this act overwhelms her with emotion. And Scully feels a change in him. Like he is coming to accept the gravity of what is happening between them.

“Well I suppose there is no denying it then…” His voice cracks in the quiet of the room. Scully shakes her head slowly. Mulder pinches her sleeve, rubbing the silk between his fingers. His hand then slides from her wrist to her elbow. Leaving a trail of heat in its wake. “I always liked these, you know.”

“You do?” Scully says in surprise. She thought he didn’t notice what she wore.

“Yeah. They’re kinda cute.” His nose is almost touching hers, her hand is still covering his heart.

“Cute, Mulder?” she asks incredulously. He nods,and the intensity of his gaze pierces through her. Making her heart beat even faster with anticipation. And for some reason, whether it be exhaustion, blind curiosity, or something else, Scully hears herself asking, “what else do you like about me?”

His hand strokes her hair, makes its way to cup her cheek. He lets out a shaky breath. The air is super-charged, ionized.

“Everything.”

Scully gasps audibly, like all of the air has been sucked out of the room. It feels like something is going to happen between them. Something that she has wanted for a long time.

“Surely not everything,” she whispers. Their lips are almost touching. Their bodies are lined up, the thrumming energy is pulsing between them. She is close enough to feel the heat of his erection against her hip. She strokes his hair, presses her hand into his cheek. His eyes never leave hers.

“No, everything.” There is another beat, and Scully tilts her chin towards him. Allowing her body language and her eyes to say what she finds so difficult to express. And finally he kisses her. A real kiss. One that leaves no confusion as to his intentions. And everything is still, because it’s just the two of them.

At first she just lets it happen. Lets him kiss her, because it’s good. Because she wants it. She likes feeling his passion for her. But he notices quickly that she is holding back. Because intimacy has always been difficult for Dana Scully, because it requires vulnerability.

“Scully…” His voice pierces through the darkness. He steels himself on a blade between hope and expectation. “Look, if I crossed a line, I’m sorry,” He says softly gazing deeply into her eyes. Scully can always tell exactly what he means by looking into those hazel eyes. And she sees the truth then; the adoration, the deep well of affection, all sparked by a flame of desire. And this cements her decision, as much as it spurs her on. Because she feels all of those things too. “If you don’t want this ...” But his next words are swallowed whole when her mouth captures his.

The kiss is firm but gentle at first. Scully feels a delicious buzz the more his lips move against hers. They kiss like they are making up for lost time. Because they have been so starved for each other for so long. Scully deepens the kiss when she pulls his bottom lip open. Their tongues finally stroke against each other. She delights in him. When they finally come up for air, she looks deeply into his eyes. She has to let him know.

“Mulder…I want this.” She strokes his hair, soft and thick under her fingers. “I want you.” And the way he looks at her…it's love. 

But also something more than just love.

You’re my one in five billion.

“Oh Scully, you have no idea...” He kisses her again with intensity and passion. And as corny as it sounds, Scully hears the music swelling in her ears. Like the end of the movie, the kind of kiss that lets you know that it’s not an end, but merely a beginning.

They touch and kiss, almost unable to get their fill. Her passion for him is like a powder keg that has been trapped within her for so long. And now they have finally lit the match.

Scully opens her eyes, glances over to see their reflection in the glass. She watches as they kiss, their tongues now meeting in open air. But it's all too much to keep secret.

“Mulder…” She whispers. But he is too focused on her. His mouth descends down her neck trailing kisses to the ‘v’ of her pajama top. “ Mulder…” Scully gasps as he sucks one nipple into his mouth leaving a wet spot on the fabric.

“Hmm?” he hums her nipple still in his mouth.

“Umm…come here.” She pulls him up her body. He readily obliges. “Look,” she gestures towards the mirror.

“Oh… it's just like in my dream.” he says kissing her while they both keep their eyes open to watch.

“Mine too.” She disrobes, standing completely naked in front of him. Enjoying the way he looks at her body. Like he can see her for the first time.

“Can I touch you?” He asks. She nods. This time his fingers whisper over her nipples, but even his barest touch elicits moan from her. His hands slide over her waist in appreciation.

But Scully wants to see his body too. She pulls his white undershirt up over his head and scrapes her fingernails over his chest. Touches him in ways that she always wanted to. Mulder stands up, takes off his boxers. His leaking cock bounds up, thick and heavy against his stomach. His penis is not quite as large as her fantasies, but it’s still big and beautiful.

She allows herself to take in the sight of him standing naked, aroused and wanting her. It’s truly intoxicating. In the mirror she can see his lithe oblique muscles, leading into a ‘v’. Her eyes linger on his tight ass.

“ Oh good, now I have evidence,” he smirks, baiting her.

“Evidence of what, Mulder?” She responds taking the bait.

“That you have secretly been checking out my ass all these years,” he chuckles. She raises an eyebrow and tsks at him.

“You caught me,” she grins.

“Why Agent Scully, have you been sexually objectifying me?” He poses in front of the mirror, and juts out his hips for her benefit. “I’m happy to stand up here a little longer for you.”

“Awfully sure of yourself for a man that believes in bigfoot.” Scully says dryly. “ Besides, what good are you doing me all the way over there?”

Scully reaches for him, and he comes to her. Bounding on top of her playfully. Scully squeals, delighting in his exuberance for her. They kiss again, letting their fervor build.

“ I want to be on top,” she says against his mouth.

“ I wouldn't have expected anything less,” he grins. Mulder lays on his back, and she gingerly climbs on top. As she straddles him, Scully feels the sudden burst of anticipation. The swell of arousal in her center. She strokes his cock against her slick folds.

“You’re so… aroused,” he says nervously biting his lip.

But before she can guide him inside. Mulder stops her.

“ Uh, Scully...I don't...I don't have anything,” he says tentatively. “I didn't anticipate...” His eyes are warm, but dark. He strokes her cheek, softly, and her lip trembles. She is reminded of the summer. The way he looked at her then. She feels a pang of regret at what might've been.

“Me either,” she pauses. And for a moment she thinks about why. She thinks about how even if she were able to get pregnant, that she'd tell him not to worry. But she can't get pregnant, no matter how much she wants to. And normally Scully would feel a pinprick of sadness in her heart at this. But she doesn't, because this is just about them now.

“Dana,“ Mulder says then pauses. It’s so strange, yet intimate. Dana. “I just want to know that you are sure about this. I don't want you to have any regrets.” Scully feels the warmth of his affection and care. It makes her even more sure.

“Yes, Mulder. I'm sure.”

“You know how I feel about you, right?” Mulder asks her softly. Scully remembers the hospital after she fished him out of the Bermuda Triangle. How he told her that she saved the world. The way he gazed into her eyes (much like he is doing now) and said I love you. At the time she played it off as the drugs talking. But somewhere inside she knew it was true.

“Yes,” she pauses. Trying to hold back the floodgate of emotions roiling inside of her. A switch has been flicked. “And I hope you know that it’s the same for me.”

Scully never knew it was possible to love someone this much. And she is sure now that this is just another part of their journey together. They started out as partners thrown together by unseen forces. But as they spent more time together they became friends. It wasn’t long before they developed a bond that connected them mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And now it was time to put in the last puzzle piece. The one that they denied themselves for so long.

“It’s time now,” she breathes. Then she positions him at her entrance, allowing him into her most sacred space. And finally she feels the head of his cock nudge her opening. She sets her jaw against the pain as she slowly slides down his length. Allowing herself time to adjust to his size. But he stretches her, fills her up. She can feel, every vein, every ridge of his shaft. He watches her face for signs of discomfort. Mulder squeezes her hips, trying to relax her muscles.

“Relax, relax,” he says softly. And Scully thinks that he wanted to call her baby then, just like the dream.

Careful baby.

She thinks maybe she would have let him.

And Scully can tell that he is taking in every moment of this, just as she is. Filing it away in his photographic memory. Finally he is fully sheathed inside her, bottoming out against her cervix. She can almost taste him in the back of her throat, Her back arches, and she almost comes. Scully is filed to the brim, so full she could cry.

You make me a whole person.

“You gotta tell me if something's not right, okay? I want this to be good for you.”

“It will be,” she whimpers beginning to move up and down. Her thrusts are shallow and slow at first. Her cunt aches, she's so full of him.

Mulder licks the pad of his thumb and rubs her clit in time with her strokes. His eyes are on hers again. And it’s too much.

“Oh, oh, Mulder, I think I’m coming,” he says breathless. She feels her body snap, and she wails his name. Quivering and pulsing around his cock.

“You are?” His face goes from surprise to wonderment. “ Oh fuck you are.” She comes hard, maybe harder than she ever has before. Her inner-muscles continue to spasm. As she falls forward onto his chest, riding out her orgasm with his cock still inside of her. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he rasps holding her tightly. He kisses her, and Scully feels like she could never get enough of this. Not ever.

“Well I think it’s your turn to be on top.” Scully chuckles as she rolls off of him.

“Finally,” he deadpans. Mulder moves on top of her, kissing her languidly. She reaches for his cock, and he groans as she pulls just the tip inside of her. It’s easier this time, and Scully loves the feel of his shaft as he pushes inside of her. She cradles his shaft lovingly within her walls. Once he begins to move his strokes are slow, but deep. They kiss the whole time. They are making love. And It's amazing.

His tongue plunders her mouth as he rides her orgasm out with her. Finally he lets go, because he was waiting for her. The look of pleasure on his face when he comes is like nothing she’s ever seen. He spurts hotly into her, with the force of six years of repressed longing. Then he lands on top of her, breathing hard. Scully basks in the feel of his weight on top of her, inside of her.

“Not too shabby, huh?” he chuckles as he withdraws from her.

“Mmm, well, I think I’m going to be sore tomorrow.” She winces a bit as she tries to roll out of bed. Her legs are like jello. Boneless. “But I think that just means we need to do it more often.”

After she cleans up, she catches herself smiling in the mirror. Her heart is full, and her skin is glowing. She returns to him in bed, and they fall asleep holding each other.

\---

One month later

Dana Scully is in love. Well, she has been in love for a long time now. But since the night that they first made love, she is blissfully sure. In fact, things are going well between them. Now that they have been allowing themselves to finally be together, things are looking up for them. Well, at least most of the time. Scully hums to herself as she gets on the elevator in Mulder’s apartment building. She is not usually one for surprises, but a movie night might be a nice idea. She carries a six-pack and a VHS rented from Blockbuster. She grins as she thinks of how pleasantly surprised he will be when she shows up at his door. She catches herself smiling in the reflection of the stainless steel elevator car. Scully straightens the new cashmere sweater she just bought, and fixes her lipstick. She chides herself for wanting to look good for him, for caring about what he thinks.

When the elevator dings; she bounces down the hall with an uncharacteristic spring in her step. She grins as she thinks of the way he looks at her when they are alone together. Her heart beats fast with anticipation as she arrives at his door. Number 42. But strangely, the door is just slightly ajar. This makes her frown, and her body goes on high alert. Mulder wasn’t expecting her. She hope that he is not in trouble. Scully carefully opens the door. Then she hears a female voice.

“Oh, Fox,” the woman laughs. And Scully feels her heart drop into her stomach. She glances over at the mirror inside Mulder’s entryway. Then she sees it.

Agent Diana Fowley kisses Mulder fully on the lips. Her heart shatters. But maybe even worse than that, she feels her trust in him snap in two. She cannot help but cry out in surprise.

“Mulder!” she yelps. The six-pack hits the ground with a crash, the bottles roll around, but none of them break. The VHS clamshell case hits the floor and springs open. He turns and looks at her and his facial expression is a mixture of guilt and shock.

“Scully!” He starts after her, but it is too late. She runs back into the hall, pushing hot tears out of her eyes. “Scu-lly, wait..” he calls after her. The last thing she hears is her name echoing through the stairwell; as she runs desperate to get away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a while to write, so feedback is always appreciated!


	3. Ruptured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully learns the truth about Mulder's relationship with Diana. Settle in, it's going to be a long and bumpy ride.
> 
> This chapter flashes between the events after The Rain King and the aftermath of Diana Kissing Mulder which is circa One Son and Two Fathers.

\----  
Previously on "Dicked too Hard" 

When the elevator dings, she bounces down the hall. And chides herself for the uncharacteristic spring in her step. But this is just what he does to her. She feels the sense of anticipation as she arrives at his door. Number 42. But strangely, the door is just slightly ajar. This makes her frown, and her body goes on high alert. Mulder wasn’t expecting her. She hope that he is not in trouble. Scully carefully opens the door. Then she hears a female voice.   
“Oh, Fox,” the woman laughs. And Scully feels her heart drop into her stomach. She glances over at the mirror inside Mulder’s entryway. Then she sees it.  
Agent Diana Fowley kisses Mulder fully on the lips. Her heart shatters. But maybe even worse than that, she feels her trust in him snap in two. She cannot help but cry out in surprise.   
“Mulder!” she yelps. The six-pack hits the ground with a crash, the bottles roll around, but none of them break. The VHS clamshell case hits the floor and springs open. He turns and looks at her and his facial expression is a mixture of guilt and shock.  
“Scully!” He starts after her, but it is too late. She runs back into the hall, pushing hot tears out of her eyes. “Scu-lly, wait..” he calls after her. The last thing she hears is her name echoing through the stairwell; as she runs desperate to get away from him.  
\---

Kroner, Kansas  
January 11th, 1999

Mulder and Scully smile at each other. They have just made love for the first time. And Scully wants to laugh and cry at the same time. The kind of cry that only happens when you are so happy that your heart could burst inside your chest. 

“What’s going to happen tomorrow?” he asks interlacing their fingers together.

“I don’t know,” she pauses there is a hint of mirth in her voice. “I suppose I’ll see you in the broad daylight, and know instantly that I’ve made a terrible mistake.” She chuckles. Mulder looks stricken for a moment, and mimes plunging a knife into his own heart.

“Oh, don’t say things like that! You’re going to kill me woman.” He chuckles and tickles her. 

“Well, one of us has to keep your ego in check.” Scully says, raising an eyebrow. 

“What ego?” Mulder says standing in front of the mirror. Clearly showing off his physique. Scully snorts, and rolls out of bed to go to the bathroom. Mulder follows her still talking, but she promptly shoos him out of the bathroom. There is no need for him to see her on the toilet. She will not ever be the kind of person to urinate in front of her… well whatever Mulder is. When she opens up the door Mulder is waiting expectantly for her. He continues the conversation where they left off.

“The way I figure it, we have another four hours before our flight. So that gives us plenty of time for another go round…” Mulder waggles his eyebrows at her. “Perhaps in the shower this time?”

“And what would make you think you have any chance of getting lucky again tonight?”

“Well the first time was just a dry run. This time I really get to show off my skills.” 

“Hmm… and what skills would those be?” 

“Oh, you’ll see…”  
\---

Hegel Place  
February 7th, 1999

Scully runs out the door of Hegel place and into the street. Her breath is coming out in hard pants. Her mind is swirling. She chides herself, tries to be logical in a wholly illogical situation. You’re just in shock. Pull yourself together, Dana. 

Scully hears the slam of a door, and Mulder’s rhythmic footfalls. Scully knew he would catch up to her. What with his long legs, his runner’s body. Scully steels herself. Straightens her back back, squares her shoulders. She readies herself for either battle or retreat

“Scully…” he calls to her, she thinks she hears guilt in his voice. Good, he should feel guilty. She ignores him, because if she doesn’t, tonight just might end in a blood bath. She keeps her back to him, but her morbid curiosity gets the better of her. 

“Have you…” she clears her throat, almost unable to continue this line of inquiry. “Have you been sleeping with her this whole time?” 

“No, not the whole time..” he begins, but doesn’t finish that thought. Scully can tell there is something he is leaving out. 

“So you have slept with her?” Scully asks doing her level best to keep her voice under control. She still can’t turn around, because seeing his face is unthinkable right now. Even with her back turned, she will know if he is lying to her. His voice always gives him away.

“Yes, but that was after you broke it off…” he begins. Scully hears the guilt in his voice.

“I can’t believe this…” An image of Mulder in bed with Diana flashes into her mind unbidden. Scully feels sick, the back of her throat tastes like cold copper. Mulder’s hand closes gently over her wrist. She shakes him off quickly. 

“Don’t touch me!” she says, her voice is a sharpsword. A metal blade to ward off his unthinkable betrayal. Mulder backs away quickly. But she still can’t meet his eyes. So she opens the door, and slides into the driver’s seat. Mulder crosses over to the passenger side, and sits down. Maybe this is some macho way for him to claim his territory. 

“Scully, let me explain…” he starts.

“I think it’s a little too late for an explanation... Whatever you want to explain…” Scully doesn’t know how to finish. She still can’t look at him. “I should’ve known that this would happen after we…”

“But Scully, you are the one who...” Mulder says a tinge on pain in his voice. “I was upset, and she came over. It wasn’t supposed to happen.” Mulder tries to defend himself, but Scully is not buying it.

“Mulder, stop!” She raises her voice at him with righteous anger. “I don’t care to hear anymore of this!” Scully doesn’t like the edge of pain that seeps into her voice. She doesn’t want him to know just how hurt she is right now. How betrayed.

“Scu-lly…” Scully stares straight ahead, blocking him out. Looking into this eyes will just make it worse. “I made a mistake,” Mulder says softly. And she can hear the regret in his voice. “I never wanted that to happen, and I hate myself for allowing it.” 

Scully weighs her options. She can either stay and face him, or she can retreat and go home. Right now, retreat seems like the most viable choice. Retreat means that she doesn’t have to deal with Mulder or Diana. She can simply wall herself off, like she usually does. Stuff down the hurt and uncomfortable feelings.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she says firmly. Her words are measured, not too emotional, but steely nonetheless. “I’ve seen enough for one night, thank you.” She punctuates her statement by turning the ignition.

“What can I do?” His words are pleading, too soft maybe. And they almost make her change her mind. Almost. Finally she meets his eyes, her steely resolve firmly in place.

“Nothing.” She shifts the gear to drive. “Now get out.”

\---  
Kroner, Kansas  
January 11th, 1999

“I’m starving,” Mulder says in a rare instance of post-coital bliss. Scully is naked lying next to him. Yep, that’s right, naked. “I could really go for a burger with everything on it,” he nudges Scully. “Couldn’t you?” he asks, fully knowing that she would not be interested in greasy burger with everything on it. 

“I am a little hungry,” Scully shrugs then stretches. “But, there’s nothing open at 1 AM on a Saturday morning, Mulder,” she says looking at the night stand.

“Oh ye of little faith,” Mulder smirks at her. “I saw an 24 hour gas station just up the road.”

“Okay, I suppose I could find something,” she says standing. He admires the view briefly.

“I mean you do need to get your strength up… for later,” he winks and she rolls her eyes. But Mulder recognizes a gleam in the pale light of their motel room. She reaches down and grabs his boxers from the floor.

“Don’t push your luck,” she chucks them at his face. 

They peruse the aisles of Pete’s gas and go. The place is completely empty. Scully is looking for that magical “healthy yet satisfying” snack that doesn’t exist. Sno-balls, Little Debbie’s snack cakes, Hershey’s milk chocolate bars. They come upon those mini fruit pies that Scully pretends she thinks are disgusting. I don’t know how they can get away with calling them pies. They’re like goopy gelatin with merely a hint of artificial fruit flavor. Scully (ever the glutton for punishment) likes the lemon flavored ones. Mulder has seen her casually sneak a few of those onto the counter at check-out on many a late-night stop on many a lonely mid-western road. She always pretends not to buy them, and he always pretends to look the other way.

“I am an expert at this… watch and learn,” he chuckles. “Iced tea for me, diet coke for my lady,” Scully raises an eyebrow and pretends that Mulder is totally lame. That she has no interest in him whatsoever. “Ahh, Sunflower seeds the new improved BBQ flavor… whatever happened to the regular salty ones, Scully? Why does everything have to be BBQ flavor now?”

“Marketing, product testing, consumer groups,” she rattles off the litany of reasons for BBQ flavor.

“Ah, can’t you let me complain like the crotchety old man that I am?” He taps her hip with his fingers teasingly.

“You would make an excellent crotchety old man, Mulder. I think you were born for it.” 

“Haha, Just you wait…” he whispers in her ear. “I’m going to get you.”

“I’m planning on it,” she says. Mulder is not used to the sultry tone in her voice. But he’s pretty sure that it won’t take long for him to grow accustomed to it.

“At least those look better than these day old greasy hot dogs roasting on a spit.” She points to the the hot dog roller. “They probably taste like shoe leather by now.”

“Ah, but that is part of their charm,” he smirks. “Don’t knock it till you try it Scully.” 

“That’s okay, I’ll pass on this fine gas station delicacy, but help yourself.” She cocks an eyebrow at him and grins. “Although, the chances of me kissing you after you eat those are severely decreased.”

“Oh what, you’re not a fan of hot dog breath now?” he tsks and she smiles. Mulder teasingly backs her into the aisle, all while looking over his shoulder. The gas station attendant looks like he is too tired to care about anything besides an armed robbery. “I guess it’s up to me to make you a fan of it.” He whispers.

He tickles her and she giggles. Mulder loves the sound, so he tickles her again. Their mouths are close now. Scully’s eyes are bright and full of affection, beautiful even under the harsh fluorescent lights. He’s smitten, has been for a good long while.

“Make me,” she says against his mouth. And she kisses him, sweet and lovely at first. He circles her waist, allowing his hands to glide under her trench coat. Scully pulls his bottom lip between her teeth, and he sighs. Mulder could really get used to this.

“Happily,” he breathes. Surprisingly, Scully is the one to deepen the kiss. Even she seems immune to the fact that they have an audience. A very bored audience, but an audience nonetheless. A thought about how no one wants to see two mid to late thirty somethings make out in a gas station pops into his head. But that thought is quickly forgotten when her tongue slides against his, playing a game of chase. Where you lead, I will follow. 

Scully hooks her fingers in his belt loops and pulls him flush against her. He loses his footing and crashes into the rack behind him, upending the entire display behind him. He grabs on to the rack, attempting to regain his balance. Instead he ends up crushing and breaking several bags under his size 13 sneakers. Scully’s mouth gapes wide as she quickly surveys the damage. The aisle is filled with a mountain of Planter’s peanuts and Lay’s potato chips. The lone survivor: a bag of Rold Gold pretzels perched elegantly in Mulders long fingers. 

After a beat Mulder looks at Scully, and she nods. 

“Let’s get the hell out of here, Scully.” Mulder instinctively grabs her hand, and pulls her out the door. Scully squeals happily as they race to their car. The adrenaline of leaving the scene of the crime is too intoxicating even for her.

“You really should pay for all that damage you left in there, Mulder,” Scully teases breathing heavy. Mulder already has the car in drive, when the gas station attendant comes out of the store. He laughs as he presses the gas pedal to the floor, peeling out of the darkened parking lot. 

“I just hope they don’t review the security footage,” Scully makes a pained face. 

“I doubt they even have a security camera in there, did you see how old those pumps were?” From the rear view mirror he spots the attendant waving a rifle at them. “I promise I’ll send him a check.”

“Hmm… I’ll believe it when I see it, Mulder,” Scully raises and eyebrow. “I know how cheap you are,” Scully says teasingly. Mulder smirks at her evaluation of him. 

“Perhaps, but I like to consider myself rather giving in the bedroom,” he waggles his eyebrows. 

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she smiles at him and giggles again. “I just can’t believe we did that.”

“Ah, it was worth it.” he grins and takes her hand. First date: gas station convenience store hit and run. Casualties: his dignity and an entire rack of potato chips.

They arrive back at the motel, still giddy from their adventure.

“So we managed to knock over that convenience store without even procuring any contraband.” When he looks over at Scully, her lips curl up in a mischievous smile.

“Oh, I wouldn't be so sure of that, Mulder.” Scully bites her lip and slides a lemon mini pie and bag of sunflower seeds out of her trench coat pocket. Mulder chuckles clearly in awe of her. “I’d say we're a regular old Bonnie and Clyde.”

“Oh, Agent Scully, what has gotten into you? Federal agent breaking the law,” Mulder says in awe. He loves to see this new devil-may-care side of Scully. “Have I been a bad influence on you?” he teases. 

“You give yourself too much credit. I was the brains of this operation. You were merely the getaway car,” she raises an eyebrow. Mulder loves flirty Scully almost as much as he loves criminal Scully. “Besides, Bonnie and Clyde got caught.” There is a gleam in her eye. 

“So what you're saying is that you're a cleverer criminal mastermind?” Scully mimes smoking a cigar with a pen. “Well, definitely cuter at least. “ Here she is still full of surprises 6 years later. It makes him feel things. “Get over here, Bonnie,” he says pulling her into his lap. She squeals happily as he tickles her. 

“Okay, you've got me...you've got me,” she says breathlessly, then kisses him seductively. His heart is full. He kisses her back, then pulls back to look into her eyes.

“I hope so, I hope so.“

\---  
Scully’s apartment, Georgetown.  
February 14th, 1999  
( Mid- episode One Son, several days after the events of Chapter 2)

Scully sits at home trying to curl herself even further into her overstuffed couch. 

You’re making this personal, Scully.

His words feel like a heavy weight on her chest. Like she is the roadrunner and Mulder is Wiley E. Coyote, just pushing that anvil down on her, crushing her into the pale dust. Maybe if she would have moved before the anvil came down, she could’ve escaped in time.

Maybe she could disappear, change her name, get a counterfeit passport from The Gunmen. 

I need you to change my identity, Frohike. I need to get away for awhile… and whatever you do, don't tell Mulder

Are you sure? Sweet wholesome Byers would ask. Just talk to him. Maybe you could work this out.

I don’t think that’s possible. Can you make it look like I’ve never existed? I want a whole new life.

You know he’ll come after you. He won’t rest until he’s found you. Langley would say. And he’d be right. 

But then she thinks about how his face would look when he’d learn the news. She couldn’t do that to him. No matter how much he’s hurt her, that would be a soul-crushing blow that she is just not capable of. She is angry at herself almost as much as she is angry at Mulder and by extension Diana.

Early on, her logical side kept her in check. She made up her mind not to fall for him. After all, Scully was fully aware of the trouble dating a work college could cause.They were partners, that was all. But as time when on, Scully found herself being swept up in Mulder’s passionate search for the truth. And soon she was hopelessly enamored of him. But again, her rational side kept her from taking things too far. She knew that Mulder was troubled. That he came with enough baggage to fill the entire Hoover Building. So Scully erected walls so thick, hardly anything could penetrate them. Except Mulder's eyes. 

And the next thing she knew Scully was following him to the ends of the earth. Healing him, protecting him, sacrificing for him. But still, she held onto the crumbling remains of her protective fortitude, until one night in Kroner, Kansas when Scully herself smashed those walls down. Because she was finally ready to not only admit the truth, but to also accept it. The truth was that Dana Scully was more than just in love with Fox Mulder. She was inextricably linked to him in a way that not even she could fully understand. Sometime over the last 6 years it became hard to tell where one of them began and the other ended.

You made me a whole person. 

And if Scully and Mulder are two halves of the same person, then how could he hurt her so much, when it was the same as hurting himself?

That night, in her dream Scully is brave. She is vindictive. Instead of running when she sees Diana kiss Mulder, Scully lets out a scream of righteous anger. Scully physically pushes them apart, and Mulder looks shocked. Scully delights in the shocked look on his face. 

“Scully this is not what it looks like…”

“I don’t care what it looks like.” Scully grabs agent Fowley by the hair, and starts dragging her out into the hallway. Diana yelps, and Mulder looks on in horror.

“I’d like to see you out in the hallway, Agent Fowley,” Scully says through clenched teeth. 

“Agent Scully, this is highly unprofessional…” Diana hisses. “Can’t we just sit down and discuss this like adults?” Fowley tries to extricate herself from Scully’s grasp, but Scully jumps up and gets Diana in a headlock. 

“Oh, we are going to have words, and we are going to have them right now.”

“Scully…what are you doing?” His hand closes over her wrist. She quickly wrenches herself from his grasp.

“I am about to handle something that I should have handled a long time ago.”

“Scully… if this about me, why don’t we go somewhere and discuss this.” Mulder is trying desperately to talk her down, and Scully isn’t having any of it.

“Oh, don’t worry Mulder, I am going to deal with you later. But first I’ve gotta take out the trash.’

“Come on, Scully. Don’t do anything you are going to regret.” But something in his tone, makes it clear that he knows how angry Scully is right now. 

“Oh, I am not going to regret this. Agent Fowley and I are going to settle this once and for all. Woman to woman… and I think it’s wise for you to stay out of my way.” Mulder could physically overpower Scully right now, but Scully is in no mood to be trifled with. Scully slams the door back into Mulder’s face.

Once they are out in hallway, Scully tightens her fist. 

“Agent Scully… please be reasonable.” Diana is almost begging now. Scully hates it, it makes her so angry to see Diana looking so weak and vulnerable. And before she knows what is happening, her left fist is connecting with Diana’s jaw. Scully hits her hard, and it feels so good. Diana scowls and lets out a pained cry. And the beautiful thing is that Scully doesn’t feel bad at all, not one bit. It’s righteous justice. Well deserved. 

“I’m way past the point of being reasonable, Agent Fowley.” Scully feels the delicious pain in her knuckles, and she shakes it off. Scully draws her gun out of her side holster, and presses it to Diana’s temple. Diana sucks in a terrified breath. 

“But don’t worry, I am not going to kill you… even though I could.” 

“I’ll do anything… just tell me what you want.”

“I want you to tell Mulder that you’ve been lying to him,” Scully pauses for emphasis. “And that you’ve been working with the Smoking Man this whole time.”

“I can’t do that. He’ll be devastated.”

“You can and you will. Because he deserves to know the truth. He needs to know the truth.” Diana looks stricken, but nods her head silently. “Then I want you to go home, and pack up everything you own. Buy a one way ticket back to whatever hole you crawled out of….” Scully presses the barrel of the gun further into Diana’s temple. Diana shakes with fear. “You are to cut off all communication with Mulder. And you are to cease all contact with the Smoking Man. And listen up, because this next part is really important. I don’t want to ever see your backstabbing two-faced ass ever again. Do you understand?”

“Yes. I do.”

“Okay then. Now get out.”

Diana walks slowly down Mulder’s hallway. She glances back once over her shoulder and Scully pulls back the hammer on her gun. In her dream Scully will not be trifled with. And she will not allow the people closest to her to slip away without getting the payback they deserve.

Scully holsters her gun, feeling a sense of satisfaction that she is rarely afforded in the real world. When she swings the door open to Mulder’s apartment, he is nervously pacing the floor. He looks up at her. 

“What did you do?” Scully faces him and blows a strand of hair out of her face.

“Something I should’ve done a long time ago.” 

\---  
United Airlines  
Somewhere above Missouri  
January 11th, 1999

Mulder is daydreaming in his cozy seat next to Scully on their flight back to D.C. Lost in his reverie, he thinks about all the new things he is learning about her. Like how she breaks out in a rash of goosebumps when he kisses that spot behind her ear. Or how she giggles when he tickles her ribs. But he especially likes how she sucks in a breath in anticipation when he nips at her inner thighs. If you count the shower this morning (and Mulder definitely counts it). They have made love 4 times in 24 hours.

And Scully seems just as enamored as he is. He loves how she was so shy about touching him at first, and then not shy at all. He loves the way she scratches her fingernails through his hair, sending tingles all over his skin. How she caresses his face and arms. But he especially loves how she places both of her hands over his heart when he pushes inside her. Or the way she presses her heels into his ass when he’s about to come.

Thinking about all of these things has him aroused. And all of the blood has definitely rushed away from his brain. Because he hears himself asking Scully if she wants to join the mile high club.

“Meet me in the restroom in the rear of the plane in five minutes,” he whispers in her ear. She promptly tsks and swats his arm.

“Mulder! No! I am not having sex with you in that closet they call a bathroom,” she chides him in hushed tones.“Have you lost all of your sense?”

“It’ll be a quickie. Just two minutes, we will be in and out.” Mulder tries to persuade her.

“You make it sound so appealing, I don’t know how I can resist,” Scully says dryly. “Besides, we will never fit. You’re much too tall.”

“Ah, but I’m athletic, you said so yourself.” he squeezes her thigh. “We could make it work.” 

“But there are children on this plane, Mulder.” Scully sighs and looks at the seat in front of her. There is a young mother, nursing a small infant, while the proud father looks on. From the window seat, a toddler grins at Mulder, and waves his grubby fingers at him. Scully smiles as Mulder waves back at him. For a brief moment she feels a wave of longing take over. But Mulder is still preoccupied with his newly awakened libido.

“So, if there were no children, you could be persuaded.” Mulder uses his best persuasive voice. The same one he uses when trying to convince her to go on an especially far-fetched case. He’s not an idiot, he knows what works on her. Scully sighs again, and leans back into her seat. Trying her best to settle down her impatient partner. 

“No, you’re just going to have to wait,” she says chiding him. “You can do that right?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to,” he pouts. Gives her his best puppy-dog look. The same one he uses in emergencies. And for a moment, Scully forgets about the happy family in front of them. Because it is so easy to get lost in the vortex of Mulder’s eyes. 

“Well, tell you what. I’ll make it extra good for you when get home. That’s a promise,” Scully says in a sultry tone of voice.

“Oh, now I’m intrigued, what did you have in mind, Dr. Scully?”

“I am not at liberty to say,” Scully says, drawing a line with her manicured fingernail on the inseam of his pants.

\---  
Mulder’s apartment  
January 11th, 1999

That night, Scully falls asleep against Mulder’s chest. The scent of him is alluring and comforting all at once. She breathes deeply, and he curls his arm around her tightly. Scully can’t help but think that this is the way things are supposed to be. The two of them, together. 

In her dream, Scully has a different life. She is not marred by trauma. Her choices have not been taken away from her. And Mulder is different too, happier and more content. They are in love, and things are good.

“I want to have a baby with you,” she tells him. He smiles, enamored with her.

“You want a baby with this nose?” He teases gently, pointing to his distinguished profile. “Are you sure about that?”

“Well, with any luck, the baby would end up with my nose, not yours.”

“Ah, then they would win the genetic lottery.” He kisses her. “And I have a feeling you would make a great mom.”

“So, is that a yes, then?” She asks expectantly.

“Yep, I’d say we better get started.” He winks, and she giggles. 

Dream Scully looks down at her belly, swollen with life. A miracle. Mulder puts his hands over the baby, feeling it move. They are going to be a family. It’s like a point of light in the darkness. The dream shifts. Scully is alone in a hospital room. The baby sleeps next to her in the bassinet. Mulder paces nervously around the room. 

“Mulder, look… he has your nose.” Scully points at the sleeping baby, a boy. But Mulder won’t look at the nameless child.

“There is still so much out there for me to find. And I can’t give up on my quest now.” Dream Mulder says softly standing at the foot of the bed. Dream Scully feels a wave of frustration. “I’m so close to finding all the answers.”

“But, Mulder it’s too late to back out now. The baby is already here.”

“This is not forever. I’ll come back when I find the truth.”

“But what if you never find it?” Scully asks heart breaking. 

“I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t stop looking,” Dream Mulder strokes her cheek. “You know that.” She nods tearfully.

 

“But, Mulder, we’re supposed to be a family.”

“ I’m sorry...I just, I never imagined I’d be a father,” he says regret in his voice. “I don’t think I’m ready.” Scully wants to shout at him. Tell him that he’s making a mistake. But when she looks up again, he’s gone. Leaving no trace that he was ever there, except for the sleeping baby with his nose.

Scully wakes in a cold sweat. It was just a dream. Just a dream. 

 

Hegel Place  
January 12th, 1999

Scully has not been able to shut her mind off all day. She is clearly shaken by the events of her dream. There is a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She doesn’t think that they have made a mistake exactly, but maybe that they are jumping into this stage of the relationship too fast. Her dream crystalized some of the nagging doubts that she has floating around in her psyche. That as much as Mulder cares for her, he is not yet ready to give up his life’s quest to settle down. Come to think of it, Mulder only recently started sleeping in his bedroom on an actual bed. Would he even know what to do with a baby? As much as it pains Scully, somewhere inside she knows that he is just not ready. 

So when Mulder excitedly invites her over to his place that night. She accepts graciously, hoping that he could do something to prove her wrong. To show that he can handle a relationship with her, no matter how challenging or difficult it might be. 

Prove me wrong, Mulder. Prove me wrong. 

As soon as she gets through the door, Mulder is pulling her against him. She feels his passion mounting already.

“I’ve been waiting for this all day,” he says kissing her voraciously. “Seeing you in the office, with this pencil skirt, and the heels.”

“Well, I’m glad you could wait. It shows a certain fortitude that I wasn’t sure you had,” Scully breathes as Mulder hoists her up.

“After all these years, you don’t think I have any self-control?” He whispers in her ear and kisses her jaw. Her legs go around his waist, and she decides to let herself enjoy their newfound intimacy. They careen through his apartment, knocking over files and shedding clothes. Mulder kisses her like he hasn’t seen her in years, and she lets herself be consumed by him. Because it feels so good. Because despite all of her doubts, she loves the way how they ignite each others passions. The way their pleasure feeds off of each other, a mutually beneficial relationship. Scully doesn’t want this to be the end. She wants it to be a beginning.

\---  
Mulder is enraptured by Scully. Has been for a long time. So here they are on his bed naked, and trying to make up for a 6 year sex deficit. It might take a while. Scully straddles him easily, teases him mercilessly with the promise of being inside her. He loves it. Always has loved the way she teases him. Mulder feels her arousal coating his cock, and this is the way he knows she is ready. It is important for her to enjoy this as much as he does. Finally, he pushes inside her quickly, filling her up in one smooth motion. Because now he knows that this is just the way she likes it. He loves the face she makes while she is allowing him to settle inside. Her mouth is hanging open, her eyes closed in pleasure. Before they start to move, he takes in the view of Scully on top of him. Breathless and beautiful. When did he get so lucky?

Scully places her hands over his heart, using his chest for leverage. Bouncing up and down his length, she begins moaning loudly. And since he now has some experience in the area, he thinks she is about to come. And he’s right, because before he knows it, she is grabbing his hand and interlacing their fingers. She moves their intertwined hands to her sex, sliding his fingers through her slickened folds. They are touching her together, and something about this feels so intimate. So right. 

“Open your eyes,” he says as he strokes his thumb over her clit. “I want to see you come.” 

“Oh.. Okay…” she breathes, clearly on the precipice. Her breath coming out in pants. “You wanna… you wanna come with me?” 

“Yeah, I do.” 

Their eyes lock and it’s like looking at the cosmos for the first time. He takes in the color and shape in a way he never had before. Floating past planets and stars, like the entire universe lives in the sapphire blue of her eyes. Mulder has never had the opportunity to see the stars from the cold canvas of space. But he imagines that the sight would render you irrevocably changed. Wholly in awe of one’s place in the universe. 

They are coming together, and he wants to feel this way forever. The cosmic connection. The pulse of her inner muscles fluttering and squeezing his cock. When they come together it’s like the birth of a new star. 

Scully collapses on his chest, breathing hard. Their chests pressed together, hearts beating as one. They kiss languidly, tasting each other. Mulder is so overwhelmed by this feeling, so desperate to communicate this to Scully. Even going as far to use a word that cannot begin to describe the depth of his adoration. 

“I love… I love you,” he says. The phrase sounded so strange on his tongue, but still necessary. Her eyes are wet, brimming with something he cannot name. But it just keeps pouring out of him. “God, I love you so much,” he says.

“I…” she bites her lip to keep it from trembling. And Mulder is unsure if he just said the most wrong thing, or the most right thing. He feels her pull away, gingerly moving off him. Then taking off to his bathroom. He follows her, because he doesn’t know what else to do. But she promptly shuts the door behind her.

“Scully… you don’t have to say anything.” He tries to backpedal. Because even though he didn’t mean to, he’s said the wrong thing. 

“I want to… uh, I’m sorry I can’t.” Her voice is thick, muffled by the door. Yet another barrier between them. His shoulders slump as he waits for her to finish. A sense of forebody overtaking his body. When she returns to the room, she can’t meet his eyes. 

“This is just too much,” Scully says, her voice pained. Tears spill from her eyes, and it’s terrible to see, because Scully doesn’t cry unless it’s really bad. So at this point Mulder knows it’s really bad, maybe even worse than he imagined it would be. “I don’t know if I can do this right now.”

“Listen, I know it’s a lot, but we can take things slower. I know it was sorta all at once, and sometimes I can be a little overzealous. But maybe we can still try? Just give us a shot, Scully.” he doesn’t want to plead with her. But when you feel like this about someone else, there is bound to be pain. That is just the way it is. 

Somehow he fucked things up. He knows he’s said it before, but this time he wasn’t on drugs. He is completely lucid, and let’s face it, completely and totally in love. And it sucks.

“I just…need some time…”

“But, Scully you said… you said you were sure.” 

“It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be with you, Mulder. I’m just feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. Things are good now, but what about when their not? And what about the X-Files? How are we going to make this work?”

“We’ll figure something out, like we always do.” Mulder knows her concerns are valid. But he’s not ready to give up on this so easily. Not when Scully means this much to him.

“I don’t know if that’s a good enough answer for me at this stage in my life, Mulder. I’ve just been thinking about the future lately, and what that might look like for me,” she pauses. 

Mulder notices that she didn’t say for us. And there is a part of him the recognizes the truth in her statement. Somewhere inside he always knew Scully couldn’t be part of the X-Files forever. Guilt and regret bubble up inside of him over how much she has already lost because of him. Maybe Scully is ready for the whole ‘white picket fence’ thing. But truly Mulder never saw a white picket fence in his future. He never saw a normal life, but maybe Scully did. 

“I’m sorry, Mulder, but I just don’t know if you’re ready. And I don’t think I am either,” Scully continues. The severity of her tone, is enough to make her point clear. She won’t be convinced this time. But still Scully seems pained to tell him all this, like she wishes she didn’t have to say the words. “You know how I care for you, Mulder. And I don’t want to cause either of us unnecessary pain.” She lets out a shaky breath.“I just need time, Okay?”

Mulder sighs. In some ways, he is the kind of person who wears his heart on his sleeve. He is by nature an intense person, someone who is often burned by his own passions. Just as he is now. He thinks of how he always seems to drive everyone he loves away. Maybe he just loves too much, feels too many things. Maybe he is just the kind of person who can love, but not be loved. Maybe he just ruins everything he touches. But he cannot ruin this with Scully, she means too much to him. She is a part of him. And even though his very heart feels torn in half, he knows he needs to give her this.

“Okay...Just… just let me know when you’re ready.” She strokes his face, and does her best to soothe him. Usually she is pretty good at that. But not this time. 

“I will, I promise.” And if there is one thing Mulder can count on, it’s Scully’s honesty. Her steadfastness. He watches her dress quickly, like she can’t wait to flee. As Scully opens the door to his bedroom, she looks back at him. Her grin is painful to see. She shuts the door gently, as if she is trying to soften the blow. He looks down at himself, he almost forgot he was naked. His softening length still wet with her. He flops back on the bed, feeling like his chest has been cracked open. Major surgery performed without his consent or knowledge. He touches his sheets where only moments ago Scully lay next to him. The outline of her body still warm and rumpled. He bites his lip to keep it from trembling. Here is Fox Mulder, alone like always.

A few hours later, after he has showered and changed his sheets. Attempting to rid his apartment of her painful scent. He hears a knock on the door. He wonders if it is Scully, coming back to tell him she’s changed her mind. His heart leaps at the thought. And so he bounds to the door, and opens it without looking in the peephole. He sees Diana, she’a carrying a white Blockbuster bag. She gives him a genuine smile.

“Oh… Diana, I wasn’t expecting you.” 

“Were you expecting someone else?” She asks lightly.

“No,” he pauses. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought you might want some company tonight,” she smiles. “I hope I’m not being presumptuous.” Mulder is still reeling from when Scully broke things off only hours ago. And even though his relationship with her was short lived, it managed to leave a gaping hole in his chest.

“I don’t think I want any company tonight, Diana.” Mulder rubs his eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long day, and I think I just want to be alone right now.” 

“I just want to come in for a bit and warm up.” She says pushing past him. “It’s minus 9 degrees out there.” Diana unwraps her scarf and hangs her trench on the coat rack.

“Uh, why don’t you come in?” Mulder mumbles under his breath sarcastically. It seems like Diana didn’t hear him because she continues talking.

“So do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it’s nice to have a friend to listen to your troubles.”

“No, not really. But thank you.” Mulder straightens some files on his desk. “Sorry the place is a mess.” Mulder is actually starting to feel better. Maybe a little company would be nice after the heartbreak he endured earlier.

“Oh, I don’t mind at all,” she says slouching down on his leather couch. Making herself at home “Actually, I find it comforting.” Her tone is light, easy. Mulder almost forgot how good it feels to be near her

“What do you have?” He asks pointing at her bag.

“I brought Plan 9 from Outer Space, your favorite,” her smile is comforting. “Oh, and popcorn too, extra butter flavor, just like we used to make.” Mulder smiles back at her. It’s the first time he’s felt good about himself all night.

“Ah, you know me too well,” he chuckles lightly. He puts the video in the VHS player, and sits next to Diana on the couch. “Actually, I am glad you came” He pats her leg, and she kisses his cheek.

“It’s always good to see you, Fox.”  
\---

Scully’s Apartment  
Georgetown  
February 15th, 1999

Scully is lying in bed when she hears the knock on her front door. Instinctively she knows who it will be. Looking through the peep-hole, she sees Mulder nervously bouncing between his heels and toes. His expression looks expectant yet grim. Scully thinks she might regret it, but she opens the door anyway. 

“What are you doing here, Mulder?”

“I was in the neighborhood,” he tells a half-truth. “I thought maybe we should talk.”

“Okay, come in.” Scully motions him inside. Not wanting to air their dirty laundry in front of the whole building. Once inside she stands waiting, with her hands on her hips. “I’m listening.” She says through clenched teeth.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” He breathes.

“For what?” she asks.

“About what happened with Diana.”

“Which part?”

“Do I have to say it?” Mulder asks her, clearly uncomfortable with the subject matter. Scully understand that. She feels uncomfortable too, but she feels the anger more.

“No, you don’t have to say it. Your actions have spoken for you. I’ve received your message loud and clear.” Scully can’t help but hear a note of hurt in her own voice. “But maybe I’m making it too personal!” Scully enunciates each word, throwing them like daggers out of her mouth.

“I was frustrated, Scully… I just wanted you to believe me about Diana,” Mulder pauses and Scully feels a visceral reaction at hearing her name once again tonight. “I thought you were being petty. Letting your personal feelings about Diana cloud your judgment.” She looks up at him now.

“What?” her voice raises. Scully stands her ground, and tilts her chin up at him in defiance. “If you think this is over petty jealousy, then you are more obtuse than I thought, Mulder. You know that I don’t trust her.” Her tiny fists are clenched at her sides. Now Mulder moves into her space, and puts his hands on her shoulders. 

“But you don’t know her, Scully. Why can’t you trust me when I tell you that her intentions are good? That she...” Mulder is unable to finish his sentence, before Scully cuts him off.

“No, Mulder! We’re supposed to trust each other. We are partners for fuck sake! And you just threw that all away over I don’t know… your male ego.”

“Come on, you have to give me more credit than that, Scully. Diana has given me no reason not to believe her.”

“And I have?” Scully is so hurt, so angry that she can hardly believe what he’s just implied. “Who are you?” She yells. “I didn’t want to tell you this. But I think she’s working with the smoking man.”

“No she isn’t,” he says defensively. “Where’s your evidence?”

“My God, Mulder! She really has the wool pulled over your eyes. She’s manipulating you! Why can’t you see it?” Scully is so fired up that she’s out of breath. Part of their passionate relationship has always been their heated fights. Both of them are often too stubborn to give in to the other. “She must be really good in bed, huh? If she’s got you this blinded to the truth.”

“That’s not…that has nothing to do with this. Do you think I’m that naive?” Mulder says defensively. “I know that I can trust her. She’s my friend.”

“Oh, well you’ve gotten pretty good at sleeping with your friends now, haven’t you?” Scully spits.

“Come on, you and I were different. You know that. It meant something,” Mulder pauses and looks away. “At least I thought it did.” His voice sounds strained. “But I guess I can’t be with you. And I can’t be with anyone else, can I?” 

“What?”

“Oh, you don’t remember? Well I certainly do.” Mulder’s voice rises. “The way I remember it, I told you how I felt about you, and you bolted out of my bed so fast you left my head spinning. Hurricane Scully leaves a lot of carnage in her wake.” His words are venomous and Scully feels stung. “I guess all the sudden things got a little too real for you, didn’t they?” Mulder says bitterly. Then he pauses, and his voice gets quiet. “It’s like you got to look at me in the cold hard light of day, and all the sudden, you didn’t want me anymore.” Scully is a bit taken aback by his honesty. But his words feel like a sucker punch. Scully remembers her words to him right after the first time they made love. Her heart sinks. “I thought we were going to be together…” he says softly. “But I guess I was wrong about that too.”

The pain in Mulder’s voice is almost too much for her to bare. She didn't want to hurt him like that. But everything had happened so fast. They went from partners to friends to lovers all in the span of a single evening. She got scared, she needed an escape plan, she needed time. 

“Mulder...” her voice is small now, like a child. It’s strange how they can cut each other down to their very core. But isn’t that what it’s like when you know someone so well? You feel their sadness, and you know all the ways to help them heal. But you also know all the best ways to hurt them too. “That night, that I saw you with her…” Scully can’t even say Diana’s name, it’s too hard. “That night, I was coming over to tell you…” Scully pauses again, feeling her emotions roil around in her chest. Her mouth feels dry, weighed down by the heavy words. I wanted to tell you that I'm ready now… that I wanted to give us a shot.” Scully exhales heavily. 

And when she looks at Mulder she watches his face fall. His shoulders slump with the heavy weight of her confession. He looks absolutely crestfallen, and Scully can hardly bare it.

“Scu-lly,” he says, putting six years of passion and truth and sadness in each letter in her name. Like both of them felt the weight of living a lifetime of regret, a millennia of missed opportunities. 

“I thought you'd wait for me…” Scully can’t keep the tears out of her voice now.

“I didn’t mean to... that wasn’t supposed to happen. You gotta believe me.”

“I think I do now,” she starts. “But, I just don’t understand how you could hurt me so much.” 

“Something tells me that we’ve gotten pretty good at hurting each other,” his voice is soft, but she feels the weight of his words.

“I suppose you are right…” she admits. She wonders if she should apologize to him too. But right now, she feels too raw. Like an infected wound. 

“God, I can’t believe how badly I’ve fucked this up.” Mulder says, his voice thick with regret. He crumples down on her couch, and puts his hands in his face. After a beat he looks up at her. “I’m sorry, Scully.” And in his eyes she can see that his apology is heartfelt, honest. His crestfallen face is the tell-tale sign of his own internal anguish. And Scully can tell he is really punishing himself now. Beating himself up for his impulsive actions. But It doesn’t make her feel any better. Her righteous anger has melted now, and become something else entirely.

“I know you are Mulder. And I want to forgive you, but I don’t know how.” Scully says sinking to her knees in front of him. She places her hands over his, a gesture of goodwill.

“How do we fix this?” Mulder asks, always a man of action. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

“I don’t know…I’m very confused right now...” Scully’s voice wavers. They had been through more than most people could ever dream up. They had always been able to withstand anything the universe threw their way. Could this really be their undoing? The trust that they had forged through years of trauma and sacrifice, was now in shambles. And Scully was unsure of how long it might take to rebuild. “I think I need more time.”

“Okay, I’ll give it to you.” Mulder takes her hand, and places it over his heart. Like he is making a vow. “I promise I’ll wait this time.” Scully wants to believe him, she really does. And part of her knows that she will forgive him in time. Because she always has. “Just don’t give up on me, Scully. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Her chest feels like it’s been cracked open, the thought of giving up on Mulder seems unfathomable. They are a team. And right now the team is split in two. The thought of not having Mulder by her side makes her feel empty. Like a part of her would be missing. Could she ever be whole again? He tentatively opens his arms to her, an offering.

“Mulder...I won’t,” her voice is raw and vulnerable. Scully thinks that maybe she could be healed, if she were to just take those last few steps into his embrace. So she does, and for a moment things are okay. Because somewhere inside Scully knows that they can make it through even this. She lets herself sob against his chest, clutching his shirt in her fist. “I’ll never give up on you.”

\---  
To be continued in Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave some love here in the comments. I will write for feedback.


	4. A different kind of life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder and Scully work to rebuild their relationship after Mulder’s affair with Diana. Will Scully ever be able to trust him again, or will their unique bond be irrevocably severed?
> 
> There is some mention of sexual assault in this chapter, but I think that I handled this in a very sensitive way.

_March 7th, 1999_

_Arcadia, CA_

“Scully if you make me drive this thing, I’m going to have to kick my own ass.” Mulder makes a disgusted face as he looks at the blue Toyota minivan. 

“Start kicking,” she tosses him the keys, and he catches them in one hand. “Besides I thought you liked to be the one to drive.”

“Yes, but only when it’s something a little cooler than this.” Mulder smirks hopping in the driver's seat, his knees squished up against the steering wheel. “I have a reputation to protect afterall,” he deadpans, adjusting his seat all the way back.

“What reputation?” Scully says adjusting her seat all the way forward. 

“You could’ve at least moved the seat back after you were done using the van, _Laura_.” 

“Call it payback for the toilet seat, _Rob_ ,” she says dryly. 

“Would you ever want to live in a place like this?” Mulder gestures to the perfect sidewalks and immaculate mailboxes. 

“A gated community where the residents harbor murderous impulses?” Scully pauses and raises an eyebrow at him from the passenger seat. “No thank you.” Mulder shakes his head. “Besides all that, it’s a little too much like the Stepford Wives out here, Mulder,” she frowns. Scully is far too independent for the women in this neighborhood, and he is too much of a rule breaker.

“No, I mean, would you ever want to live in community with lots of people… builder grade homes, tree lined streets, nosey neighbors.”

“You make it sound so enticing.” Scully smirks at him. “But no actually, it’s a little too much like base housing. I’ve had enough of that for one lifetime, thank you very much.”

“Oh, but I thought you said you fit in here, and that I didn’t.”

“Yes, I do,” she says looking out the window. “But that doesn’t mean I’d _want_ to live in a place like this.”

“I always thought someday I’d end up out in the mountains, or in a little house on a big piece of land. You know, away from all those nosey neighbors.”

“Really?” Scully looks at him in shock. “I thought you’d never leave the city.” Mulder has been living in the same apartment for a long time. It’s not that he particularly loves the place, but it’s cheaper than downtown D.C., and still fairly close to work. At this point his neighbors know not to bother him, or question what goes on in his apartment. Besides, he’s never been good with change, preferring the status quo in all areas of his personal life.

“Eh, who knows, you’re probably right,” Mulder looks over at her. “But I think about it sometimes.”

“Hmm,” she hums and settles back into her chair, a contemplative look on her face. “Me too.”

\---

_March 14th, 1999_

_Scully’s apartment_

_Georgetown_

Scully and Mulder have shared every kind of intimacy; mental, emotional, and for a brief moment in time, even physical. For ninety-six hours at the beginning of February she and Mulder were allowed to be in love. When she thinks about that time now, it is tinged with the sepia tone of dulled pain. That pain sharpened again when she found out that Mulder had been keeping the information about her ova from her. She was simultaneously angry and hurt. How could he neglect to give her such a vital piece of information? Her anger slowly melted into hope when she got the news that pregnancy was a possibility for her. 

Maybe there could be hope for the future, but she had to be ready to face the likelihood that it could all be taken away in an instant. She would approach the situation with cautious optimism, she wouldn’t allow herself to get too attached to the idea of having a baby. 

One day she woke up, and she wasn’t angry with Mulder any longer. When she thought of a father for her baby, the truth is that there was no one else but Mulder, no one else could compare. He was her only choice, her one in five billion.

Yet things were still difficult between them.The incident with Diana was still fresh in her mind, so her trust in Mulder remained shattered. Yet, she couldn’t figure out how to ask him to father her child. Perhaps if she approaches the task with a clinical detachment, it will only be a simple exchange of genetic material after all. She decides that even if Mulder denies her request, she will continue the process without him. 

Perhaps if she writes him a letter. Putting down her thoughts on a page will allow her to carefully word her request. 

_Dear Mulder,_

_As you may know I have been seeing a fertility doctor to discuss my options to…_

Scully crumples up the paper and tosses it in the wastebasket next to her desk. Her fingers grasp the pen tightly, she’s already nervous, and she hasn’t even asked him yet. 

_Dear Mulder,_

_I know that we have been through our share of difficult times, but over the course of the last several years we have become…_ What? What exactly have they become? This time she misses the trash can when she attempts to discard the physical proof of her vulnerability. _Why am I doing this to myself?_

_~~Dear Mulder,~~ _

~~_I would like to get pregnant, would you consider donating to the cause?_~~ No. No. No. That sounds terrible, he would never say yes if she asked like that.

All the sudden writing out her request in a letter seems too impersonal, but the thought of asking him face to face sends her into a near panic attack. Could she even bare to look into his eyes when he says _no?_ The thought of it makes her heart drop into her stomach. There is no rule book for asking your partner/ friend/ whatever to father your child. At this point, it seems like she has no other choice but to ask him in person. Scully picks up the phone, dials his number and immediately hangs up. Her knuckles are white, her heart is beating fast. She lets out a loud exhale and calls again.

“Mulder.” Scully almost slams down the phone as soon as he answers. A sense of impending doom coils tightly in her stomach, leaving her unable to speak. “Hello? Anyone there?” Scully clears her throat nervously.

“Uh, yes, it’s me.” She gets up from her chair and begins pacing the room.

“Oh, hey, is everything okay?”

“Yes. I just…” She gets up from her chair and begins pacing the room. “Sorry, I’m a bit on edge. Umm…” Scully pauses attempting to gather her courage and get her emotions under control. “I have something I want to talk to you about, but uh, it’s better if I do it in person.” She finally blurts out. The line is silent for a moment. “Do you think you could come over?”

“Of course,” he pauses to clear his throat. “Are you sure everything is okay?” There is a note of concern in his voice.

“Yes, it’s fine. I’ll see you soon.” Scully hangs up the phone before he can ask anymore questions.

Twenty minutes later Scully hears a knock at the door.

“Just a minute.” She calls out. Looking into the mirror she finger combs her hair, and straightens her gray cardigan. A feeling of embarrassment clings washes over her as she looks at her flushed face. She gulps. It’s so red already, and getting worse by the second. _Get yourself together, Dana._ She takes a moment to compose herself before unlocking the door. 

“Hey,” he greets her casually in a gray t-shirt and jeans.

“Hey, you got here quickly.”

“Yeah, there wasn’t any traffic on 95.” Mulder stands outside the door, waiting for her to invite him in. 

“Oh, uh, come in.” She gestures towards her couch.”Why don’t you have a seat?” 

“Okay,” he says and plops down on her sofa.”

“Would you like anything to drink? Tea?” 

“No thank you,” he says politely. “But something tells me I should’ve picked up some beer. You look like you could use a drink, Scully.”

“Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” Scully feels herself stalling for time. A glass of wine might calm her nerves. “I think I have some merlot in the cupboard.”

“Well, if you’re going to have some…” he drifts off. Scully returns from the kitchen and hands Mulder his glass. It takes everything in her power not to gulp hers down on the spot. “I’m on pins and needles here Scully, what’s this all about?” 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to alarm you. Actually I have good news… well it could be good news as long as everything works out in my favor.” Mulder waits patiently for her to continue. Scully takes another sip of wine, and decides that she just need to lay it all out, cut and dry. “Last week I took my ova to a fertility specialist to have them tested. Today, I had an appointment with my doctor to discuss the results. He thinks that I may have a good chance to get pregnant, if we start soon.” Scully lets out a breath that she didn’t know she had been holding. Looking over at Mulder she sees first relief and then happiness spread over his face. 

“Really?” he asks searching her face. She nods, unable to keep a tearful smile from teasing at the corners of her lips. 

“Yes.”

“Well that’s great news. I am really happy for you, Scully.” He pulls her in for a hug, and she goes willingly. Finally she pulls away, and looks down at her hands.

“Actually, there’s more.” She pauses again, and Mulder takes her hand in his as a measure of encouragement. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” she breathes out, and he tilts her chin up to meet his eyes.

“You don’t have to be nervous, it’s just me, Scully,” he says softly. “Whatever it is, I am here to help.” 

“Really?” She asks, unable to keep the hopeful tears out of her voice. He nods at her, and Scully sees that he is sincere in every way. “Well, as you know I can only provide one half of the genetic material required to conceive. So that means that I would need someone to provide the other half.” Mulder looks at her questioningly. “The doctor asked me if I would like to discuss the possibility of using an anonymous sperm donor… or if there was someone that I had in mind.” 

“Please don’t tell me you asked Frohike. I will never hear the end of it.” He cracks gently. Scully chuckles lightly, glad that Mulder was able to break the tension. 

“I am sure he would be delighted,” she says dryly. “But as tempting as that sounds, I was hoping for someone who has a more pleasant… physical bearing.” 

“You don’t want children who look like Irish leprechauns?” Mulder smirks at her. It’s just like him to bring up Frohike at a time like this. “I have to say I am shocked, Scully.” 

“Irish leprechauns aside… there is someone in particular that I would like to ask.” She looks down shyly, still unable to meet his eyes. “I was wondering if you’d consider being the other half of the equation?” Mulder’s mouth forms an ‘o’ as she looks up at him.

“Oh, that’s what you wanted to ask.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, and shifts around uncomfortably in his seat. Scully can see his mind working on overdrive.“I’m sorry, this is just a lot to process.”

“You don’t have to answer right now.” She places a hand on his knee. “Why don’t you take the weekend to think about it?”

“Okay,” Mulder says simply, getting up from his seat next to her. She follows him to the door, feeling even more anxious than she did before. Maybe this was a bad idea, is it too late to take it back?

“I know it’s a lot to ask of you… and I don’t want you to feel obligated in any way...” Scully begins, but then he turns to her, and catches her wrist.

“Hey, I know that this means a lot to you, and I know it wasn’t easy for you to ask. So I don’t want to take this decision lightly. But try not to worry too much, okay?” Mulder slides a finger down her cheek.

“Okay.” 

“I’ll see ya Monday,” he says, and with that he disappears from view. 

On Monday, he says _yes_.

\--- 

April 16th, 1999

Hoover building

Basement Floor

It’s Friday night, and Scully wants to go home.

“Hey, Scully, I just want you to take another look at this lab report.”

“Mulder, it’s five thirty on a Friday night, I am going home for the weekend,” she says with a hint of annoyance in her voice. 

“But I need your expertise on this tox screen.” 

“No, Mulder, I am not staying in this office for another second! I’m hungry and tired, and ready to get the hell out of here. Plus, I already put in sixty hours this week! And now you’re asking me to put in more! Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?” Scully covers her mouth as soon as the words leave her lips. Mulder looks down at the file, clearly hurt by her words.

“Oh, I didn’t know you hated being around me that much,” he says defensively.

“No, no, I’m sorry. I’m just feeling a bit irritable.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” he deadpans. Scully gives him a death glare and he holds his hands up in surrender. “It’s okay, you’re right, I was being selfish. Why don’t you take the weekend, I’ll just show this to the gunmen tonight.” Mulder says holding the file.

“It’s okay, I’ll see if I have some time tonight to look at it,” she takes the file from his hands. “Goodnight Mulder, I’ll see you Monday,” she says softly on her way out the door. As she waits for the elevator, Mulder pops his head out the door.

“Hey, Scully, I just want to say thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to review that report. Have a good weekend, okay?”

“You too,” she says as the elevator car dings.

When she gets home, she finds a red stain in her pale beige underwear. No baby. The disappointment curdles like blood inside her heart, hot angry tears slip down her cheeks unbidden. She doesn’t tell Mulder for a week.

_May 16th, 1999_

_Mulder’s Apartment_

_Alexandria, VA_

Mulder’s head feels like it’s going to explode, like the worst migraine of all time. He goes in and out of consciousness as he lies in his bed. The pain is unbearable. His vision is blurred, and it’s hard to tell what’s up from down. There are voices that sound distant, yet up close at the same time. 

_All right Diana, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do._

Diana. She is in his apartment, but not in his bedroom. Why does her voice sound like it’s in his head? Diana appears, her form is blurry like a pointillism painting filled with blinding light. All the sudden, he feels her in bed with him. Soft breath in his ear. 

“Diana?” he rasps. “Diana, where’s Scully?”

“Shhh,” she hushes him. “You’re not feeling well. You collapsed in in a stairwell at American University.” He squints his eyes, trying to adjust to the piercing light. 

“Where’s Scully?” He asks again. There is a sharp prick in his arm, as if he were stung. His body is flooded with numbness. Mulder tries to get out of bed, but stumbles, his legs won’t work.

Why won’t his legs work?

“Shhh, I’m here now.” She puts a finger to his lips. 

“My head hurts,” he gasps as he feels her cold hand on his chest. 

“It’s okay Fox, I’m going to make you feel all better.” Now he feels Diana’s hand slithering down his abdomen, and under his shorts. “I’m here now.” She whispers. Mulder jolts sleepily as Diana works her hand over his genitals. 

“Diana…no...I’m not feeling well.” He tries to protest, but she continues to touch him. Mulder feels paralyzed, he can’t speak or move. It’s like he’s looking down on them from above his body. Powerless to stop her touching him.

“It’s okay… this will be all over soon.”

_Just a little bit longer. The job is almost done._ He hears her voice. Mulder can see the cigarette smoking man swirling in her head, surrounded by a cloud of smoke. Memories of Diana speaking to him. 

_I need you to get his DNA, Diana. My son trusts you, and now you must use his trust to further our cause._

_But he’s ill… it doesn’t feel right._

_There will be some personal sacrifices along the way. You knew this from the beginning. You said you would do whatever was necessary for the good of the project._

_But I don’t want to harm him, he’s in a fragile state right now. He’s in and out of consciousness._

_He doesn’t yet understand his importance. Fox would be a martyr for his cause. Certainly, he would sacrifice himself for the good of the entire human race._

_How shall I proceed?_

_I’ll leave that part up to you. You’ve been an asset to us so far, and I trust that you won’t do anything to jeopardize your role in the project. If you fail, you know of the consequences._

_Consider it done._

“Diana...not you.” It’s the last thing he says before everything goes black. 

\---

_May 18th, 1999_

Dana Scully wants to stay with Mulder, but his cure might be in Africa. So she goes to Africa. Really, she will go anywhere, any lifeless desert, any frozen continent, any remote island on an empty sea. She has braved monster, and murderers and the deepest evil ever known. But she cannot lose him, it is unthinkable. She would rather die first. 

They could be on different continents, on different planes of existence, and still they would find each other. They don’t say l _ove_ , because the word _love_ doesn’t even touch it. This is real. This is universes colliding and spinning back, and then colliding again. They can never be out of each other’s orbit, because otherwise they do not exist. Together, yet apart. That is what they have always been. That is what they will always be, and that is scary. Absolutely terrifying. 

She will save him, she has to, there is no other choice. He is her true other, her universe, her continent.

\---

At times it’s hard to know what is real and what was part of his unusual brain activity. He remembers his mother visiting his bedside, but she couldn’t hear him calling to her. The smoking man appears at this bedside, tells Mulder that he is his father. Before Mulder has a chance to process this information, CGB Spender is whisking him out of the hospital, and giving him a whole new life.

Mulder has vivid waking dreams while the smoking man slices into his brain. In one of his dreams, Diana is his wife, and they live in the suburbs with their two children. It’s a happy existence on the surface, but something doesn’t feel right. Mulder knows that he wouldn’t choose to live in the suburbs, and Diana is the wrong wife. Everything is too perfect in the dream, until it isn’t. As an old man, Mulder watched as the smoking man set the world on fire. 

Then there is Scully, and as usual, she tells him the truth. 

There are other dreams too, ones that feel more real, but also less so somehow. One night it comes back to him in a series of strange flashes. Mulder remembers being sick and collapsing in the stairwell at American University. Was Krycek there? He can’t remember, everything is strange and fuzzy. His body is paralyzed, his mind on a different plane. Mulder doesn’t remember much about the encounter except the feel of her breast heavy and round under his limp hand. The way she touched him was regretful, almost clinical, like it was a task she had to perform. Something about their encounter doesn’t feel right, but he can’t put his finger on it.

Mulder feels the clutch of guilt around his heart, a sick feeling of betrayal sitting in his gut. How could he do something like this after all that he and Scully had been through? They were finally getting to a good place again in their relationship, and surely this information will ruin it. He has to tell Scully about this, she might hate him forever, but at least he will have been honest with her. 

_June 1st, 1999_

_Mulder’s Apartment_

_Alexandria, VA_

That evening Scully comes to his apartment to check on his recovery. 

“I brought you soup,” she says from the kitchen.

“Oh, homemade?” Mulder asks with a smirk.

“I think you know me better than that,” she says dryly as she sets a styrofoam bowl in front of him. “I picked it up from that Italian place down the street.” 

“Ah, okay, good, I was a little bit worried for a minute.” He grins and she pinches him softly on the arm. 

“Are you disparaging my cooking, Agent Mulder?” She puts her hands on her hips as she stands above him. Honestly, she looks intimidating from his place on the couch.

“No…your cooking is…” he trails off searching for the right word. A word that won’t get him in trouble. “Adequate. Utilitarian perhaps.” He takes a huge bite of garlic bread, everything tastes better after eating hospital food for a week.

“Better than yours though.” She raises an eyebrow towards him. “The only thing I’ve ever seen you use in the kitchen is your microwave.” Scully takes his spoon and helps herself to his soup. Mulder feels warm all over, and not from the take-out.

“Guilty as charged.” He holds his hands up in a surrender.

\---

After dinner, Scully hovers around him. Mulder has been in and out of the hospital many times over the years, and Scully has always been there to see to his recovery. This time seems different, she lingers just a little closer to him, touches him even more than normal. He sits on the couch, and she stands between his legs to change his bandage and take his pulse. 

He feels sad, but knows what he needs to do. 

“Scully, I have something to tell you… and I don’t think you’re going to like it.” Mulder mumbles against her chest. He pulls up to catch an expression of concern on her face. 

“Mulder? ” she asks searching his face. 

“Maybe you should sit down.” Scully moves next to him on the couch, and they face each other. “I think you should just let me get this out before you say anything.” She nods with a pained look on her face. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and after everything that we have been through together, I really want to be as honest as possible with you.”

“Yes, of course,” Scully says softly. There is a feeling of foreboding between them. Mulder sees her body tighten in anticipation of the news.

“After I collapsed at the university, I was really out of it, I didn’t know what was happening to me. I think maybe I saw Krycek there...and then all the sudden Diana just showed up, but it’s strange because I don’t remember calling her. She said she was going to take me home to get some rest..” Scully sits in stillness, just listening to him with baited breath. “Lately, I’ve been remembering more of what happened before she took me to the hospital.” Mulder pauses, because the next part is so difficult. “I was in an out of consciousness… having skull splitting headaches, but I think that she injected me with some kind of drug… and it was like she was trying to get something from me... then I think she touched me, Scully.” Mulder exhales loudly, breathing out a myriad of guilt and confusion. “I don’t remember touching her at all, but everything is so confusing.”

“Mulder…” Scully’s lip trembles, and Mulder feels a strong pang of guilt. 

“I’m sorry Scully, I didn’t mean to do anything, it felt like I was out of my body, like things were happening that I couldn’t control.”

“Mulder…” she takes his face in her hands, and leans their foreheads together. “Mulder, I think that she...took advantage of the _situation,_ ” Scully emphasizes the last word. 

“What?” The very idea completely throws him for a loop. Even though Diana was working for the smoking man the whole time, he still can’t believe that Diana would do something like this to him.

“I know this may be difficult to hear,” Scully pauses as if she needs to compose herself, her tone is measured but gentle. “But if you were unconscious during this encounter...” Scully now has tears in her voice, her blue eyes shining up sadly at him. “Then you were physically unable to consent.” Mulder tries to follow what she is saying, but his heart is beating too loudly in his ears. Scully takes his hand and holds it tenderly. He can see Scully struggling to hold herself together, and that worries him. She makes voice as soft and soothing as possible, as if she could cushion the blow. “So that means that what happened to you, to your body, was against your will.” 

Mulder sits in silence for a moment, everything seems wrong, the world has been turned upside down.

“Scully...I’m having trouble getting my head around all this.” He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Look, Mulder I know that you trusted her. And I know that she is responsible for saving your life. But, that doesn’t take away the fact that what she did to you was wrong.” A tear slips from the corner of her eye. 

“She was working with the smoking man. I heard her talking to him.” Mulder closes his eyes and rubs his temples. “Was I just a part of some agenda to them? ”He slumps into the couch, defeated. “I just never thought… how could I be so wrong about her Scully?”

“Mulder, this is not your fault. You were deceived, she took advantage of the trust that you had in her.” Scully now pulls him closer to her, attempting to comfort him in his shock and confusion. Mulder crumbles into her embrace, a sob escapes from his chest. Scully rocks him against her chest, as if she could take away his pain and make it her own. “I’m so sorry, Mulder. For everything. You didn’t deserve this, you didn’t deserve this.”

\---

_June 15th, 1999_

_Georgetown Memorial Hospital_

Scully takes the entire day off to accompany Mulder to his final check-up with the neurologist. She hovers over Mulder until the doctor gives him a clean bill of health. Breathing a huge sigh of relief when his scans come back normal.

“Dr. Scully, I am sure you will alert us if Mr. Mulder has any problems.” The doctor hands her the paperwork for check out. Mulder grabs his jacket, and takes a look in the mirror to admire his newly bandage free head. 

“Yes of course, he will continue to be under my care.” Scully assures the doctor on their way out the door. 

“Yes, I will certainly be _under you_ at some point, I’m sure.” Mulder mumbles under his breath. Scully elbows him lightly in the ribs as they head down the hall. “Come on Scully, we’ve got the rest of the day. What do you say to a little one on one Doctor/Patient time?” Mulder smirks at her.

“With that attitude, I can assure you that you won’t be under me today…or anytime in the immediate future.” Scully fires back. 

“Duly noted,” he holds up his hands in surrender. “I know better than to piss off my doctor.”

“Well, that’s news to me.” She hands the nurse Mulder’s paperwork. “I’d say you have a penchant for pissing off your doctor.” 

“Mmmhmm, you’re not wrong there.” Mulder clicks his tongue. “Make sure to give them my frequent fliers card. I’m in an out of this hospital so often, that I must have wracked up enough points to get to the north pole and back.” He chuckles at his own joke. 

“We’ve already been there, why don’t you take me someplace nice… like the Carribean.” Scully pauses for a moment, thinking of her trip to the Bermuda triangle to save Mulder last year. “On second thought, not there either.” Mulder signs his name on a series of hospital forms with ease, because they really do spend a lot of time here. “You really have ruined travel for me, haven’t you.” Scully says dryly. 

“I’m a terrible patient… but I can think of some things we could do at home.” He waggles his eyebrows at her. 

“Lunch first, and this time you’re buying.”

\---

On the way out of the hospital, they pass by a young father holding a tiny newborn in his arms. Something makes Mulder stop and take notice of the scene unfolding in front of him. He grabs Scully’s elbow, and they both hang back for a moment. The new dad is lost in a moment with his child, he doesn’t even seem to notice their presence. Mulder is struck. The hesitant new father sways back and forth humming tunelessly in an attempt to rock the child back to sleep. Carefully maneuvering the baby into a football hold, the new dad takes a moment to look into the child’s face. Mulder has never seen a man look at his child in quite this way, with such awe and reverence. As if this man hasn’t known true love until this moment. Mulder’s heart wells up with something akin to amazement. Is this what it feels like to have a child? To look into the face of another human being that you helped to create, a child very much wanted and loved. 

Mulder wonders if his own father ever looked into his face this way? Did Bill Mulder ever saw the universe spinning in his own hazel eyes? 

Mulder hears Scully sigh next to him, there is a mixture of sadness and longing in her dreamy blue eyes. He thinks about her desire for children, and her first failed IVF attempt. Mulder feels sad and angry at the same time. If god really exists, surely he would allow this woman one ounce of happiness after all that has been taken away from her. 

Mulder thinks of the boy on the beach from his dream. Even as he lived a life of perfect domesticity in the suburbs, his time with the boy was the only real tranquility and happiness he knew. That boy just kept coming back, teaching him things about himself, making him think about the future. It was so strange, Mulder had never really seen himself as a father, but with this boy it was different. Fox Mulder saw hope in this boys eyes. A hope for the future, where before there was none. Looking at this young man with his new baby, it’s the first time Mulder has ever wanted that kind of love for himself.

\---

They spend the rest of the day together, first lunch and then dinner at Scully’s apartment. Mulder flops down on Scully’s couch, and she sits on the coffee table in facing him.

“I am really going to miss you being my doctor… you know… coming over to my apartment, feeding me soup, taking my pulse.” He says in a sligh teasing tone.

“Hmm, well, I see no reason why we couldn’t continue with our regular check-up routine, do you?” Mulder shakes his head vigorously. Scully moves to stand in between her legs, Mulder’s heart begins to beat faster as she places two fingers on the pulse point in his neck.

“Your heart rate seems a little elevated,” she breathes looking at her watch. 

“I would imagine so,” he says looking up at her. “I’ve got the best looking doctor on the ward.” His hands tentatively go to her waist, and he watches her face for signs of discomfort. Instead she blushes in his arms, so he pulls her closer. 

“I’m not supposed to fraternize with patients… you are going to get me fired.” Scully says coyly, stepping even closer to him. Her hands go to cup his cheeks, and his fingers move lower to circle the small of her back.

“Well I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your career…” he pauses and kisses the inside of her wrist. Scully shivers and blushes even further. She looks into his eyes, and Mulder’s heart clenches in his chest. 

“Too late,” she tilts his chin closer to her face. “You’ve already ruined my career.”

“This is highly unprofessional, Dr. Scully. I think I need to talk to the hospital administrator about this behavior.” He says in his best sexy voice. Scully rolls her eyes at him.

“Mulder, shut up.” Finally she captures his lips with her own. They kiss softly for a moment, his lips move tenderly against hers. Mulder tries to burn every sensation on his brain. Scully strokes his cheeks with her thumbs sending pleasurable tingles all over his face and scalp. He never wants to forget what it feels like to really kiss her. The passion between them builds quickly, and they both break the kiss to catch their breaths. Mulder leans his head against her breast, and listens to her heart beat. They stay that way for a while, and Mulder is overcome in this moment with this woman. She shifts next to him, and to his delight kisses him again softly, but with meaning.

In her eyes, he sees the depth of trust and affection that have been so hard won. All the songs, all the poetry in the history of the world couldn’t begin to describe what Dana Scully means to him. Maybe this wasn’t always true, but Mulder thinks that he would do anything to make her happy. To see her eyes light up in just the way they should. He thinks of the new father in the hospital looking into his son’s face for the first time. It changed something in him, melted a part of him that was hard and cold and painful.

“Hey, Scully.”

“Mmmhmm,” she hums sleepily.

“Have you been back to see Dr. Parenti recently?” Scully’s eyes go wide in surprise.

“Oh, um, no, not recently.” Her eyes shift down to where their hands touch. “After everything that’s happened…” she drifts off. “There just hasn’t been time.” Mulder hears the sadness and repressed longing in the space between her words. He thinks of all that they’ve been through together, of all that might lay waiting for them in the future.

“How many tries do you have left?”

“Um, two, I think.” 

“Well, don’t you think it’s time to call and make another appointment?” He says softly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes shine with unshed tears.

“Why’s that?” She asks, her voice on the razor’s edge of hope. Mulder thinks of the boy on the beach, of tiny Scully with a big round belly, of a completely different kind of life. 

“Because I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” his voice is tight with emotion. “And I think I’m ready…” he pauses and whispers softly; “I want to try again with you...”

\---

To be continued in Chapter 5


	5. A reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder and Scully struggle to define their relationship as they come to terms with the difficulties of infertility
> 
> Prompt:You’ve got the most fantastic style. Could you write something where Scully is on her period the first time they have sex? She’s super nervous about it and Mulder’s like: It’s fine. Let’s do it.
> 
> Events happen after Amor Fati and before Rush, circa Summer 1999

\---

Last time on “A Painful Path”

_“Hey, Scully.”_

_“Mmmhmm,” she hums sleepily._

_“Have you been back to see Dr. Parenti recently?” Scully’s eyes go wide in surprise._

_“Oh, um, no, not recently.” Her eyes shift down to where their hands touch. “After everything that’s happened…” she drifts off. “There just hasn’t been time.” Mulder hears the sadness and repressed longing in the space between her words. He thinks of all that they’ve been through together, of all that might lay waiting for them in the future._

_“How many tries do you have left?”_

_“Um, two, I think.”_

_“Well, don’t you think it’s time to call and make another appointment?” He says softly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes shine with unshed tears._

_“Why’s that?” She asks, her voice on the razor’s edge of hope. Mulder thinks of the boy on the beach, of tiny Scully with a big round belly, of a completely different kind of life._

_“Because I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” his voice is tight with emotion. “And I think I’m ready…” he pauses and whispers softly; “I want to try again with you...”_

\---

“Oh… “ 

Once the words leave his mouth, Scully is in shock. She sinks back into the couch and pinches the bridge of her nose, her emotions swirl inside of her leaving her almost unable to speak. Did he just say he wants to move forward with the IVF _together_? 

“This is not the reaction I was anticipating.”

“Mulder, I’m sorry, I’m just in shock right now...” Scully can’t seem to get a handle on her emotions, and that terrifies her. “I don’t know what to think.”

“Maybe I’m getting my signals crossed,” Mulder pauses, a note of disappointment in his voice. “But I thought you’d be a little happier about it.”

“No, no, I am happy about it…” Scully pauses and wipes a tear away from her eye. “This is just a lot to process, I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I suppose it was a little out of the blue, but seeing that father in the hospital kinda got me thinking. I never thought that being a parent was in the cards for me. But now… I don’t know, maybe it is.”

“Mulder, I appreciate this, I really do. Hearing you say that means a lot to me… However, there are some other considerations that may prevent us from going forward with the process.”

“Such as?”

“Well, for one, the cost of the treatment.” Mulder is an impulsive person, he often makes decisions based on whatever he is feeling in that particular moment. Scully is usually the one to bring him back to earth, and help him to see the reality of the situation. “The last implantation was quite costly,” Scully pauses. Discussing her personal finances makes her feel extremely uncomfortable. “I nearly wiped out my savings account to pay for the first round.”

“Oh…” Mulder looks down thoughtfully and places his hands in prayer position at his lips. Scully knows that Mulder probably didn’t even consider the financial strain a process like this could put on someone. “I knew it was expensive, but I figured that our insurance would at least cover some of it.”

“Our insurance only covers the infertility drugs themselves, it’s a series of self-administered hormone injections. The rest of the treatment is out of pocket, I’m afraid.”

“How much?”

“Eight thousand dollars.” Her shoulders seem to slump further with each word.

“Oooof that’s a lot of cash to pony up,” Mulder runs his hands through his hair.

“It is... I’ve been slowly putting some more money away, but at this point, I barely have enough to cover one more round.”

“Well…” Mulder pauses in thought for a moment, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Scully is on the edge of her seat, wondering what he will say next. “Then I will pay for one of the rounds.” Now it’s Scully’s turn to be in shock. 

“What?” The very thought of Mulder paying for the IVF makes her stomach tie up in knots. He is notoriously cheap, choosing to live on sunflower seeds and hungry man dinners in his tiny crappy apartment. Plus if he pays, this opens up a whole set of other issues that she is not sure she is ready to deal with. “Mulder...no I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking me, I offered…” He begins, but Scully cuts him off.

“But, Mulder, it’s a lot of money to spend on something that may not even work.”

“Scully, I want to do this.” He sits next to her and takes her hands in his. “Listen, I have the money. My dad left me a fairly sizable inheritance when he died, and right now it’s just sitting in my savings account, essentially collecting dust.”

“I would feel like I was taking advantage of…” Scully pauses searching for a word. As usual she remains unsure of exactly where they stand, and it feels too awkward to discuss the status of their relationship right now. “What we are to each other,” Scully finishes weakly.

“But you’re not, not at all. Look, Scully, so much has been taken away from you, and I can’t help but feel my part in that. But that’s not why I want to do this, I want to do this because if anyone deserves a chance at motherhood, it’s you,” he says earnestly. “Besides, what am I going to spend it on, more porn?” Scully can’t help but chuckle. “At least this way I’ll know it’s going to a good cause.” Mulder is offering to help her achieve her dream of becoming a Mother, yet she still feels a tinge of guilt for wanting to accept his charity. 

“Okay,” she says looking into his eyes. “But I’m going to pay you back though.” 

“Nah,” he waves his hand in the air. “You’ve had to put up with me for the last seven years, so I say we call it even.”

“If you insist,” she says, a grin teasing the corner of her mouth.

“It’s too bad we can’t just try our luck the old fashioned way, it’s free... and a lot more fun.” He says with a wry grin, she tsks and pinches him lightly. 

“Believe me, if there were a chance in hell that it could work… I would have tried it ages ago,” she says with an eyebrow raised towards him. Mulder’s mouth falls open.

His eyes stay on hers, the intensity could warm up her hands on a cold day. Warm up her heart. Her hand finds his cheek, and slides up to his temple, then presses her forehead to his. A physical manifestation of how their minds meet, how they meld together.

“Never say never.”

For a moment, his recent most recent brush with death springs to her mind. Pulling back to look upon his face, she touches the space between his eyes with her fingertip. This is what Mulder would call the _third eye_ , the center of wisdom. To know that his mind is whole, that his body is once again safe in her hands... 

“I don’t when it comes to you.”

There are little niggling concerns, tickling the back of her heart. What if it doesn’t work? What if _we_ don’t work? But then Mulder kisses her, and she forgets everything except for the feel of his lips against hers. His heart beats under his palm. Scully worries about many things, but wishes for many more. Maybe… maybe...

For the first time in months she feels a sense of hope for the future.

\---

Later that evening, Mulder has decided that a movie night is in order. Scully wouldn’t like going out to some fancy restaurant, so instead Mulder brings her a beer and some salt-free pretzels from the kitchen. It’s not much to celebrate with, but Mulder figures they need something to mark the occasion. He hands Scully a beer, and she twists off the cap.

“What should we drink to?” she asks, tipping her bottle towards him.

“Oh, I don’t know. I just feel lucky to be sitting here next to you.”

“But I don’t believe in luck.”

“Well, maybe you should start.”

“Hey, I saw an ad in the paper this morning, it looks like Chippendales needs some new dancers, maybe I could moonlight there on the weekends?” Scully huffs and rolls her eyes at him. “Come on, Scully, you’d throw down some cash to see these assets, wouldn’t ya?” Mulder shimmies his shoulders at her teasingly. Scully blushes, but recovers quickly. Mulder notices.

“Pennies, maybe,” she says dryly, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Ah, you wouldn’t throw few dollars my way, even out of pity?”

“Certainly not out of pity.” All the sudden her voice is sounding a bit coy. Mulder decides to see where this might lead him.

“Actually, I don’t think you could stand it.” Mulder begins, baiting her.

“Stand what?” Scully tilts her head towards him. If she isn’t intrigued already, then she’s doing a great job at faking it.

“Me… showing off my body to a room full of women who are already drunk… and horny, I might add.” Scully now blushes a deep red, he’s got her hooked. So he gets a little closer to her. “You’d be so jealous.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she shrugs her shoulders. “I have never been jealous over you.” 

“Oh really?” Mulder raises his eyebrows, and strokes his chin. 

“Not in the slightest.” Her tone is on the edge of teasing and flirty. She shyly draws a circle on his thigh with her index finger.

“Maybe I should get myself one of those speedo-like things… something that will really accentuate my _package.”_ He gestures towards his crotch. “Come on, Scully, I know you’d love to see me in a banana hammock.” Mulder teases wiggling his eyebrows at her. This time she giggles, her body is close to his. 

“You already have one of those,” she breathes out, her fingers have moved further up his leg, it sends a charge over his skin. Mulder feels a stirring in his jeans… it’s been too long. The spark between them is ignited, and Mulder knows by now, that it will never go out.

“Ah, so you have been paying attention,” he pauses to kiss her cheek, then her hairline. She shivers, it spurs him on to kiss the spot behind her ear. “Admit it, you _have_ been checking me out all these years. Just dying to get your hands on me.” Her face is bright red now, she looks down in embarrassment. “It’s okay, Scully,” He tips her chin up to look into her eyes. His nose is almost touching hers, her cheek is warm under his hand, his mouth is a scant inch from hers. “I have to say, the feeling is mutual.” 

Mulder finally brushes his lips against hers, and she responds immediately, searching for his bottom lip with her tongue. Scully must have been feeling the strain of their nine month self imposed sex drought, because before long she is catapulting herself into his lap, and thrusting her tongue against his.

Mulder is hard already, so ripe, he’s rotten.

Pulling her flush against his body, his greedy hands quickly unhook her bra under her shirt. He loves the feel of her breast, soft and perfect against his palm. When his fingers find her nipple he pinches it, then sucks it between his lips, leaving a wet spot on her shirt. 

“Mmmm, I like that,” she moans. Her hands are everywhere, under his shirt, tracing his pecs and stomach. To see her this aroused, only feeds his own desire. She is already thrusting against his erection, and he is moaning incessantly into her mouth. There is a distinct possibility that he might lose it right then and there, and he needs to warn her.

“Uh, Scully,” he gasps against her lips. Her desperate kisses take his breath away. “I just um...” Kiss. “Might not..” Kiss. Mulder is barely able to talk because, she won’t stop kissing him. He loves it. “Scully, Scully, wait a minute…” 

“I don’t want to wait...” she pouts, breaking away from him to nibble at his jaw. She’s so damn sexy, he he can hardly resist her.

“I know, me too…” His voice rasps, as he takes her face in his hands. \ “But that’s part of the problem. I just want you so much and it’s been a while…” Mulder drifts off, and presses his forehead to hers. “I just don’t think I’m going to be able to _control_ myself for very long.” Mulder says earnestly, a little embarrassed. Scully nods in understanding, then nuzzles his nose with hers.

“It’s okay, me either,” she tells him, this time kissing his lips tenderly. Mulder feels relieved. They don’t always communicate well, but sex has opened up a whole new way to express themselves. 

“I just… I just want to make sure this is good for you.” He palms her heated cunt through her jeans, eliciting an audible gasp. There is an aching desire within him to please her, to hear her make that sound again and again. Though they have only made love a handful of times, he has been able to experience the joy of making her come. It is a sight to behold. When they achieve climax together, the feeling is beyond comprehension. Otherworldly. Extraterrestrial. Cosmic.

“You will,” she says earnestly, grinding her heated cunt against him. They are desperate for each other that he paws her trousers inelegantly, searching for a button he cannot find.

“Here let me,” she bats his hand away, and quickly jumps off the couch to stand in front of him--giving him her own kind of lighting speed strip tease. His shirt is off, his pants, his boxers, all he wears is a smile now. 

“God, you’re so hot,” he looks at her, mouth slack, chest heaving, hair wild and untamed. 

He reaches a finger into the elastic of her panties, pulling her towards him. His nose finds her sex, and he inhales her arousal, it triggers something neanderthal in his brain. Scully’s fingers grasp and pull at his hair. He sucks her slit through her panties, savoring her flavor, longing for more. 

“I want you inside of me now,” she croons into his ear. Her breath tickles the fine hairs in his ear canal, making him even more aroused. 

“Well… you don’t have to tell me twice,” he says hoarsely. 

“Is this okay?” Scully reaches towards his erection, but stops before her fingers come in contact with his body. He shudders. For a moment Mulder remembers the incident with Diana, the way she touched him when he was barely conscious. It left a bad taste in the back of his throat.

“Just let me touch myself,” Mulder chokes out. Grasping the base of his length he strokes himself upwards. As he looks into Scully’s luminous eyes, all thoughts of Diana are pushed away. There is only Scully. He aches for her. “Get over here,” he husks and pulls her to him roughly. Once their naked bodies meet they both feel the electricity. 

Their kiss is sex. 

Mulder feels his own sense of masculine pride when he touches her and finds his fingers wet and hot. She teasingly slicks her folds up and down his cock, mingling his pre-cum with her arousal.

All the sudden she is sliding down his shaft, and he feels her tight heat squeezing around him. It takes him by surprise.

“Oh, oh.” Scully breathes out as her eyes slide closed in pleasure.

Mulder wants to go slow, but he can’t, his cock surges forward like a heat seeking missile. He feels his shaft spreading her open, making room for them to fit together. Every nerve ending in his body sings. They both moan in unison as he is finally fully sheathed inside of her. His eyes roll back into his head in ecstacy. There is the feeling of home being with her like this, but his home never made him feel like Scully does. 

“You feel so good.”

“Yeah?” She starts to move, riding his shaft up and down, her breasts bounce in his face. The pleasure is overwhelming.

“Fuck,” his glottis clicks. God, he should have insisted on going down on her, it would have at least bided him some time. He won’t last long, he needs to make her come. 

Mulder feels her clit under his thumb, slick and swollen. He rubs back and forth, up and down. Her inner muscles clench around his cock, as she still continues to ride him. 

“Tell me you belong to me,” Scully pulls his hair back and sucks on his Adam’s apple. His fingers still on her clit for a moment, and she bucks against his hand, attempting to increase the friction.

“I belong to you,” he rasps, grasping her wrists in his hands, forcing her to look at him. “And you’re mine.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.

“I’m yours,” she whispers sucking his bottom lip. Scully yells out as he pinches her clit between his fingers, hard, finally he giving her relief. As soon as Mulder feels her inner muscles begin to spasm around him, he allows himself to let go. Wildly he grunts and buries his seed deep inside of her. Scully moans loudly as her cunt squeezes every last drop of come out of him. It’s euphoria beyond anything he’s ever experienced. 

She falls forward and her hardened nipples press into his chest, his arms go around her. They kiss languidly, his softening cock still inside of her. 

“Oh, I needed that,” Scully breathes out, sated and happy.

“Me too,” he chuckles, and kisses her again. 

“Just let me know when you’ll be ready for round two,” she winks.

“Ha!” he chuckles, his hands go to her face. “You are going to be the death of me woman.”

 

\---

_June 28, 1999_

_Mulder’s Apartment_

_Hegel Place, Alexandria_

It’s the night before the implantation, Mulder sits at his desk in the dark, there is only one lamp lighting the room. Scully told him that she needed time to prepare for their visit to the fertility clinic the next day. Mulder feels a nervous sense of anticipation, what if the treatment doesn’t work? What if it does? He and Scully have not taken any time to discuss the possibility, leaving him in the dark about what his role to any future child might be. 

The phone rings, jolting him out of his thoughts. 

“Hello, Fox, it’s your mother,” the voice of Teena Mulder comes softly over the phone line. 

“Oh, hey Mom.” Mulder’s tone is polite, but not affectionate. His relationship with his mother has been strained for a long time.

“I’m just calling to see how you are doing after your... ordeal.” 

“I’m fine, thank you. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I was quite… worried about you.” Teena Mulder’s voice is soft, but her statement triggers something in him.

“You were?” Mulder huffs and shakes his head. “Well that’s news to me Mom.”

“Fox, don’t be disrespectful.” His Mother says in a clipped tone.

“Well, how am I to think any differently when you were the one who checked me out of the hospital against medical advice.” Mulder hears himself getting louder. His Mother’s constant elusiveness, and the way she dodges answering his questions is beyond frustrating. Can’t she just give him a straight answer?

“Fox, I…” there is a pregnant pause, Mulder can hear the guilt close around her voice. “I did what I thought was best.”

“Oh, really? You thought it was best?” His temper is escalating, he needs answers, real ones. “The security footage showed you talking to _him!”_ Mulder recalls Scully telling him about the his Mother’s meeting with the smoking man. He feels a surge or anger rise in his chest propelling him to stand up and start pacing. “What did he say to you, Mom?” 

“He told me you would die if I didn’t get the hospital staff to release you into his care.” Her voice is desperate, yet still defensive. “He said he had the cure…” Mulder doesn’t wait for her to finish before he cuts her off.

“So you just handed me over, like you just handed over Samantha!?” His mother gasps at his words. “How could you do that, Mom? How could you trust him after all that he’s done?”

“I felt I didn’t have a choice...there is so much that you don’t know…”

Years of secrets and lies held tight within him boil over. 

“Yeah like the fact that you had an affair with him, and I am a product of that.” The veins are popping out of his neck, his mother’s breathing sounds distressed over the line. Yet still she doesn’t answer his question. “Aren’t I Mom? _Aren’t I_?” He pauses to wait for a response, when she doesn’t say anything he kicks his trash can. “Your silence tells me everything I need to know.” Mulder hangs up and rips the telephone jack out of the wall. 

He slumps down against his couch and puts his head in his hands. Sobs wrack his body as the floodgates within him open up. Mulder cries for a lifetime of unanswered questions, a lifetime of decisions made for him, a lifetime of secrets kept in his best interest. 

All he ever wanted was the truth, and all he ever got were lies. 

\---

July 30th,1999

CVS parking lot

Georgetown

It’s been thirty-two days since the implantation. Thirty-two days and five hours to be exact, and Scully still hasn’t started her period. For the entire day she has been on the edge of catastrophe and joy, a strange kind of nervous excitement. She can hardly think of anything else. Now, right now, she could be pregnant. She can hardly stand not knowing, it’s maddening for her. Dana Scully doesn’t like surprises. 

Scully and Mulder sit in her car in front of the pharmacy, she is debating whether or not to go in and pick up a pregnancy test. The phrase _being on pins and needles_ is an understatement. 

“Do you want me to go in?” Mulder asks from the passenger’s seat.

“I can’t ask you to do that.” 

“Well, why not?”

“Because... I wouldn’t feel right sending you in there.”

“Scully… this isn’t the same as picking you up a box of tampons.”

“Yes, I suppose you are right. I just can’t stand this uncertainty. Besides these home pregnancy tests are notoriously inaccurate, I don’t want to get my hopes up over what may end up being a false positive.” Scully looks down at her lap, and sighs. “Uh, maybe I should just wait until Monday when I have my appointment.”

“Are you sure that you don’t want me to come to the appointment with you?” 

”I’m sure. It was my idea to try this route in the first place,” Scully says. Something in her wants to give him an out, wants to relieve him of any responsibility in her quest to get pregnant. “I don’t want you to feel obligated.” Her tone is soft, and she can’t bring herself to look at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Mulder shake his head in disbelief.

“You think I’m doing this out of some perfunctory sense of obligation?”

“I uh, I don’t know…” she pauses and shifts in her seat. Scully has never been comfortable discussing these sorts of things, she wants to jump out of the car right now, just so she can get out of this conversation. “Everything is just so complicated…” she drifts off, looking out the window.

“So it was easier for you when I was just a sperm donor? That’s just like you, Scully, everything’s got to be clinical and sterile. It was okay when I was just shooting my load into a cup, but now that I want to be involved all the sudden it’s too complicated.” His words sting her, and sees the passion flash behind his eyes. “I was under the impression that we are in this thing together.”

Scully feels tears prick at the corners of her eyes. A flash of Mulder holding a baby with his eyes and her nose flashes unbidden into her mind. 

“I’m sorry...I didn’t realize…” Scully pauses in an effort to control her emotions. “My chances of getting pregnant are very low, and I just figured it were better for me to face this alone. There could be a lot of difficulty and disappointment ahead, I didn’t want to put you through that.”

“Haven’t we been through worse?” In some ways he’s right, but this is a new kind of challenge that they have never had to face. What if this is their undoing? Most couples don’t start out their relationship with a series of infertility treatments, but they aren’t most couples. In fact, Scully isn’t even sure what they are. “And haven’t we always made it through _together_?” He looks at her intently now, and she nods.

Questions swirl above her head, but she can’t seem to grab them from thin air. She longs to find the concrete answers to her questions through science, but being with Mulder has always turned her carefully crafted world view on it’s head. There is nothing she has ever read or ever studied that could prepare her for this. Nothing that can explain away the intricacies of the human heart. This scares her. 

“I just don’t know where we go from here. I’m frustrated because I don’t have any answers for you or for myself.”

“We don’t need all the answers right now.” Mulder’s voice is soft, reassuring. “I will be here in whatever capacity you need me to be. But I am in this with you, don’t forget that, okay?”

“Okay.” Her voice is a note above a whisper, she is overwhelmed with emotions. She leans her body against his, like she can take some of his strength. Scully decides that it's worth to wait for certainty, she’ll get her answers from a blood test. 

“Well I need to go in there anyway and pick up some sunflowers seeds so… you want some ginger ale, Twizzlers, adult diapers?” He smirks at her, effectively breaking the tension. Scully marvels at the way he knows her, the corner of her mouth turns up just slightly. 

“Just some Twizzlers thank you.”

“Okay, just Twizzlers, got it.” With a wink he bounds out of the car, Scully exhales and cracks her neck. She thinks of his words to her; _haven’t we always made it through together._

Rolling down her window, Scully calls to him. 

“Oh and Mulder…” He turns back towards her, the evening sun lights up his face. 

“Yeah?”

“The appointment is at noon on Monday.” Scully looks at him expectantly. “So I figured that we could take an early lunch.” He grins and points towards her.

“It’s a date.”

\---

When they get back to her apartment, Scully busies herself in the kitchen, Mulder can see her shoulders tense as she scrubs an already fastidiously clean countertop. He comes up behind her in the kitchen, his arms circle her waist, and she leans back into him. 

“I think I know something that could relax you.” Mulder says, brushing the hair away from her neck and placing a kiss there. Scully sighs as the sponge and and spray bottle drop out of her hands. 

“What’s that?” she asks incredulously.

“A massage.” His fingers go to her shoulders, and he begins to knead the tight muscles there. Scully sighs and leans back into his touch.

“By whom? You?” She turns in his arms and raises an eyebrow. Scully looks like she needs a little more convincing, but just a little more.

“By yours truly… didn’t I ever tell you that I have magic fingers?” He smirks waving his fingers back and forth like he is “tickling the ivories.” 

“Well you do have a magic something…” she points to the tip of her tongue. 

“Well, I could do that too… but I figured that you like it better when I work up to it.” Mulder leans down to kiss her, and his hand goes to the base of her neck to rub the knots away.

“Sounds good to me.” Scully says, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom. “There is some lotion on the sink in the bathroom.”

“Okay great, just get naked and I’ll be right back.” Scully tsks at him, but begins removing her clothes anyway. When he returns, she is in her underwear laying face down on the bed. Her skin glows in the soft light of her bedside lamp. Mulder certainly hopes that this massage will lead to other things, but he will be content if it only leads to more massage, and a relaxed Scully. 

He squirts some lotion out, and rubs both hands together to warm it up. Starting with light circles, he works her neck and shoulders, as usual he is eager to please. It is easy to see from her posture that this is where she carries a great deal of her stress.

“Just relax,” he says in a soothing tone. Mulder presses deeper into her flesh, attempting to relieve some of her worries.“Maybe I should’ve put that Enya CD in the CD player.”

“You mean the Enya CD that I don’t have?” Scully snarks. His palms press into her her shoulder blades lightly, then slightly deeper. 

“Yeah, you know, the one that I didn’t see in your bathroom drawer.” A knuckle work works out a knot in her neck. “Sail away, sail away, sail away,” he sings in a ridiculous off key falsetto. Mulder can feel the vibrations of a stifled giggle rumble under her ribs.

“I thought this was supposed to be relaxing,” she says dryly.

“Okay, okay, no singing, I don’t want to upset my one and only client.” He says softly in her ear, his fingers trail like feathers over her spine, eliciting a shiver and a rash of gooseflesh. 

“Now that’s what I like to hear.” Scully sighs, finally melting into the bed. Mulder feels a swell of pride, that she is finally relaxing under his touch. Once he reaches the small of her back, Scully whimpers, so he caresses her in light strokes. Something tells him that Scully enjoys him touching her there as much as he does. Now his fingers slide down further, finally landing at the top of her panties. 

“Can I take these off?” Mulder asks, hooking his index finger under the elastic of her silky beige panties. “I need to get at these tight glutes.”

“I suppose so,” she says coyly. Trying to keep his excitement in check, Mulder shimmies her underwear over her hips and down her legs. Scully shuffles on the bed, and opens her legs a little wider, allowing him the barest glimpse of her pink pussy. Mulder gulps.

“Okay,” he clears his throat. “Back to work.” _Focus, focus,_ he tells himself. Scully sighs again, as his fingers knead the tight muscles of her ass. 

“Mmm, that feels so good,” she moans. His cock hardens instantly. With his dick leading the way, Mulder spreads open her ass cheeks, and he groans. He places a kiss on the dimple just above her tailbone, then another slightly lower. He feels Scully stiffen a bit underneath him.

“Is this okay?” He asks tentatively. 

“Uhh, well to be honest, I’ve never done it...” Scully drifts off. 

“Hmm, me either, but I’ve seen it done quite few times.” Mulder says teasingly, kissing right next to her ass crack.

“I’m sure you have,” she says dryly. “In any case, I suppose we could try it.”

“I’m sure you’ll let me know if this kind of thing is not your bag… baby” Mulder intones, imitating Austin Powers.

“Call me baby again, and just see what happens…” she says sternly. Certainly, Scully would not let him live long enough to see the sequel.

“Okay, okay,” he mumbles, spreading her open again, he feels a bit nervous, but he figures he’ll just start slow and see where it leads him. He kisses the tight circle of muscle, then darts out his tongue slightly. Scully jumps. “Everything alright?”

“Yes, I just wasn’t expecting it… it feels nice.” His tongue traces around the puckered hole tentatively, and Scully sighs. So he does it again, and again. She begins to moan now, and Mulder is encouraged by this, so he hums against her. Scully yelps. “Oh, oh, oh, “ she whimpers. Now he draws a line down over her taint and back up again, he tastes the arousal dripping out of her. Scully is like melted butter on warm toast. Mulder is so turned on right now, that his erection is pulsing in his pants. They are feeling too tight, so he backs away to remove them and his shirt. Scully looks back to see where he has gone. 

“Uh, sorry I was just getting a little uncomfortable.” Mulder says gesturing to his hard-on tenting in his boxers. 

“Oh, well..” Scully gets on her hands and knees, opening her thighs to make room for him. “Let’s see if I can help you out with that.” It’s clearly and invitation he cannot refuse. 

“Well, if you insist.” Mulder drops his boxers quickly, and moves to take her from behind. She reaches back to rub the head of his cock against her slit, and he gasps at the sensation. Finally, she postitions him at her entrance, and rocks her hips back to push the tip just inside. Mulder pulls out, then plunges back in moving in a little further. Scully gasps, so he does it again, this time he looks down to see where they are joined. They have not tried this position very many times, but he loves to watch his cock pistoning in and out of her. It’s incredible. He withdraws again, but this time he gasps, but for a different reason. 

Blood. 

Looking down he sees his cock coated in dark red. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue for him, he has never been bothered by period sex. After all, he’s seen all manner of bodily fluids and other liquids. Plus, it’s just a natural part of the human experience for women.

“Ugh, Scully…” He tries not to alarm her, but she needs to know, he wouldn’t feel right not telling her. “You...um…” 

“What, Mulder?” she asks, looking back, clearly concerned. “Just tell me.”

“Uh… I think you started your period.” He says softly, trying to ease the blow.

“Oh…” Mulder can tell she is in shock now, his erection withers at the heaviness of the moment. “So I guess I wasn’t…” Scully stops the realization dawning on her. Mulder reaches for her, attempting to pull her into his comforting embrace, but his arms clutch at the empty air. He watches as Scully gingerly rolls off of the bed, and heads towards the bathroom.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know…” 

“It’s okay, I just um… I think maybe I need to take a shower.”

“Do you want me to come in with you?” he asks, but she just shakes her head and closes the door softly behind her. Mulder doesn’t know whether or not he should follow her, or let her be. Walking slowly, he softly knocks on the door, and waits for her to invite him in.

“You can come in.” Mulder hears a catch of tears in her voice. Scully is sitting hunched over on the toilet, her robe is askew and falling off her shoulder. Her body curls in on itself, as if she could somehow protect her own heart. 

“Are you okay?” Softly, he strokes her hair away from her face.

“I.. uh… I don’t know,” Scully wipes her noses with the back of her hand, a tear leaks out of the corner of her eye. “I did everything I could to prepare myself for this eventuality. But when my cycle was late… it gave me some hope that maybe… maybe it would work out this time. But now I can see that I was being foolish.” Her voice is soft and sad, her eyes cast downward. Mulder crosses over, and sits on the tub to face her.

“Dana,” he says softly, tilting her chin up to look at him. The use of her first name sounds strange on his tongue, but the intimacy of it seems appropriate right now. They are trying to have a baby after all. “Just because you knew this might happen, doesn’t mean that you can’t be sad when it does. Hope isn’t foolish, Scully.”

“But what if it is? What if all of this is for nothing?” Mulder’s heart breaks as she says this, feeling the guilt at his responsibility for her condition, but his guilt won’t help her now. He wants so desperately to make this possible for her, if he could do anything to change the past, he would.

“It’s not.” Mulder places a hand on her shoulder. “Because we still have one more chance, right?” 

“Yes, but it’s a long shot.” Her voice is still tearful. Mulder remembers at the end of his dream, how Scully told him the truth, how she gave him the strength to keep fighting. Maybe he can give her some of that strength now.

“Look, I may not be able to understand exactly what you are going through right now, but if there is one thing I know about you, it’s that you don’t give up.” His hand goes to cup her jaw, and he strokes her cheek with his thumb. “It’s one of the things I love most about you.“ He finishes softly, unable to keep the sheer emotion out of his voice. Mulder almost covers his mouth because every time he’s ever said the word love to Scully, it has backfired in some way. She looks up at him now, and he sees the surprise and adoration behind her eyes. “If you need to lean on me now, then lean on me.” Scully falls forward into his open arms, he cradles her against the cold hard ceramic tub. 

The world seems dark and brutal, visiting a myriad of misfortunes upon them. If god exists, isn’t he supposed to be kind and benevolent? Surely he could look at Scully and see that her heart is good, her motivations pure. Surely he could see that she deserves this one small bit of happiness.

_god,_ he thinks bitterly. _If you’re out there, maybe you could cut us a break just this once?_ _Don’t do it for me, do it for Scully, she’s the one who needs it right now. She’s the one, god, she’s the one._

\---

That night Mulder has a dream.

_He’s on the beach again, but this time Scully lays next to him on a blue towel. When Mulder looks down he sees a baby napping contently between them. Scully seems lighter, unburdened by the weight of all that has come before. She smiles at him, a dusting of freckles across her nose, she’s a sight to behold._

_“It was a lot work to get here, but don’t you think it’s worth it?” she asks, gently stroking the baby’s face. There is a sense of joy and accomplishment, of love and contentment that he’s never felt before._

_“Definitely.” Mulder smiles and looks at the child, a swell of love fills him up. He looks out at the ocean, a seagull cries in the air as the salty wind hits his face. Scully’s hand goes to his and for a moment all is peaceful, all seems right with the world._

_Suddenly, the light around him changes. The sky goes dark, the wind goes dead, the seagulls stop crying. Scully and the child disappear into thin air. When he looks up, the Smoking Man stands before him, lighting a cigarette._

_“I thought you gave up on this kind of life? Perhaps the one I gave you proved to be unsatisfactory.”_

_“It wasn’t the right life for me.”_

_“But one with Agent Scully is? You know you can’t give her those things. You’d never make a good Father. You’re too selfish.”_

_“You’re one to talk. What kind of Father are you?”_

_“Admittedly I haven’t always been around. Perhaps I haven’t always shown you what you needed to see.” The Smoking Man takes a drag of his cigarette, and exhales slowly. “But despite all that, you’re my son, and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as they say.” Mulder feels a surge hatred at his words. “Someday you’ll see the bigger picture.”_

_“What’s the bigger picture?”_

_“That you and are I the same, whether you like it or not. We share the same blood, the same DNA. We both sacrifice to our quest, we both want to save the world.”_

_“What are you trying to say?”_

_“That any child of yours will be mine.”_

\---

“NOOOOO!!!” Scully hears Mulder’s voice, and it wakes her instantly. She feels him thrashing and kicking next to her on the bed. Her heart jumps into her throat. Disoriented she reaches for her gun, but quickly realizes that Mulder is having a nightmare. “Scully...Scu-lly!” he shouts in desperation.

“Mulder, Mulder!” Her hands are gentle on his face. His legs twist further in the sea of blankets surrounding him, cold sweat forms on his brow. “You’ve got to wake up!” Now she shakes him gently, attempting to rouse him from whatever evils thwart his dreams. He sucks in a loud desperate breath as his eyes finally pop open. 

“Scully?” His eyes look around wildly.

“Yes, it’s me. You were having a nightmare.” 

“You were gone, the baby was gone…” 

“The baby?” Scully can’t help the shock and sadness the edge into her voice.

“He took you… just like he takes everything from me.”

“Who?”

“The Smoking Man. I’ll never have anything good, not while he’s around. Anyone I care about just gets hurt… or worse.” His face falls into his hands, his body defeated. “And that’s why we can never have a baby.”

\---

To be continued in chapter 6.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there was no smut in the last chapter, so I tried to make up for it in this one. Hope you all enjoyed this angst-fest, and if you did, please leave me some feedback ( I worked hard on this chapter, and it would really make my day!)

**Author's Note:**

> I write for feedback, I always appreciate when readers leave me some love :-)


End file.
